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![Read the image des if you want to know about my life up until 5th grade. I'll make another post about 6th grade up until now l8r | This little shit was born on July 23, 2007, 2:52 PM.
Skip 3 years, didn't talk and people thought I was deaf.
Skip another year I go into "preschool" as Americans would call it. I never talked to anyone except for my teachers and I had no friends at all.
I got hit when my parebta were mad at me (which was actually pretty common since whenever I told the truth they always thought I was "lying.)
Move on to the next year I went to "Kindergarten". I made one friend, his name was [redacted]. He was very nice, and my first friend ever. We were buddies until the end of that school year by me being too short and young and no social skills where I was held back. Made another friend, [redacted] and we had amazing times together. We were always in the same class for 2 years, and his "nana" would come with him on field trips and bring us lunch (sweet lady.)
Then my mom and stepdad split up (I had known my stepdad my whole life because my mom filed a restraining order on my real dad because he abused animals and kicked her in the stomach while she was pregnant with me).Then of course I moved away from my friends suddenly without warning. Of course, I made some new friends at my new school, but I still missed my old ones. Me and my friends hung out that "halloween" and we played a game and I was on the girls side and the boys side, and I got candy from both. But not long after my mom got drunk at a bar and she lost custody of me, leaving my grandparents to tale care of me. (Obviously I cried) and I tried to refuse to leave but I was dragged away by my "grandparents" and I had to pack up my things and move in with them. I still went to that school for the rest of the school year but the heavy weight that was put on me knowing I would have to move out of that school to a different one hurt. Then I finally DID move out of that school and I spent several nights crying and being mad that my life was so shitty. Then I was so mad that I tried to run away several times and my grandparents literally sat on me to make me lose all of my energy to make me calmer. But what they didn't know is that it physically hurt me and I couldn't breathe because I was crying eveey tine they sat on me and the weight of two people ovee 145 pounds is too much for a tiny child to handle. I had pets too.
Gunter, who died before I moved (he was a rat)
Lufia, who was taken by my mom's old friend's boyfriend (it was his cat though)
Smoke, who was a female cat who got ran over.
Reason why I moved the first time was because that apartment was infested with "cockroaches". There was one incident where I saw my mom's friend and my mom's friend's boyfriend fighting over something dumb (though I don't remember what they were saying) and they started to get physical and she knocked one of his teeth out and I found it on the floor while walking out of the apartment the day after the fight had happened. I hadn't seen the tooth getting knocked out. But then one of my teeth was wiggly and was going to fall out and she offered to punch it out but after I had seen the fight I thought she was dead serious and I was terrified.
Anyway back to where I left off. I was the new kid in town, and that made me a subject to two groups of bullies and that town is aparently "one of the smartest towns in the world". I was not caught up to anything they were learning and I pressed myself to do better to make sure I beat all the other kids and when I didn't I was mentally disappointed in myself. It got worse and worse from there. The bullying became an essential for both groups of bullies and when I tried to fight back they used ot blame it on me and I would be the one who got in trouble which was unfair as they had started it. I started to hate my life and it went in a downward spiral from there. I spent every night crying in my room wanting everything to end. Then I started having nightmares of things like the fight and my stepdad leaving me because of them fighting all the time and I started to also have a repeating nightmare that everyone in the world was dead except for my friends and family. I thought about these nightmares during the day too. I went on with my days and nights living a constant state of nightmares until I learned to later compose myself and be more blank. So I did become more and more blank, almost as if emotions didn't exist. My emotions were more or less fake shatters of glass. You could almost see how fake they were just by looking into my eyes. In 4th grade things were the same as always, getting bullied, being hurtled insults at home while being yelled at and threatened to death when I didn't do exactly what they asked when they asked and had a perfect attutide not talking back at all. Of course, nobody knew how I felt or the impact their actions would have on my mental health later on. I wasn't happy with my life and I didn't feel like I had fit in. I played "four-square" a lot with people I didn't know just to try to fit in with the "cool kids". I would constantly wear jeans or ripped jeans of some sort with a shirt and a hoodie or a sweater/ jacket of some sort to cover my breasts because I was embarrassed and ashamed of having one and being the weird one in the grade who developed too fast. 5th grade the same things continued happening, and I played dodgeball all the time with my friends and other people to be like the cool kids. I had a few crushes that year and I never said anything. I almost got into a school "forced marriage" and people were running after both me and one of my crushes trying to get us together so we could "marry"(what a strange event...) and we both had to run our fastest to outrun the people chasing us. Despite the fact I couldn't breathe so I had to hide until time was up. Later in the year I had witnessed my friends going against each other and I tried to stop it and then my life was threatened by my own friend. I got mad and scared so I took the stupid move of bringing a knife to school and threatening her back. I got sent home and couldn't go to that school ever again so I got tutoring until I was transferred to a school of physically and mentally disabled kids. I felt shitty and out of place and my backpack was checked for the first couple weeks to make sure I didn't bring any weapons so I couldn't harm anyone else. I started to have a crush on 2 of my classmates, and then one of them started to date me. I was very happy with them, but then he went behind my back and talked shit about me to his friends and saying he hated me and all girls in general. I was pissed then, but when I got home I started having a breakdown. I had seen a few things about wrist cutting and arm cutting, so I started to cut my arms to feel less emotional pain and more physical pain. From then on I had serious trust issues and I fought with my other crusj because I was so mad and hurt I couldn't hold any of it in any longer. He stopped being friends with me and it hurt even more so I started cutting every day. Of course, again, nobody knew about it because I never talked about it to anyone. I started taking out my frustration caused by my hurt on my "grandparents" and they started hating me even more for it and treating me like I was isignificant to them and to humans at all. I felt more and more shitty with each day and eventually I couldn't handle the pain anymore. I had wanted to die and I almost tried to commit suicide to show them how much I was hurting inside but then I chose not to. That would be a cowardly and selfish move. I started having a crush on one of my other friends. He was an amazing friend and was always there for me. He was very talented and a good singer. We both sung differemt things at our school talent show at the end of the year. But before the talent show, me and my class had went on a trip to an "amusement park". I was so happy there and I hung out with all of my friends and we were all cool. We ate lunch and hung out more but then we had to leave later, after we had all gone down one water slide. I had gone down the side with the most water and I was soaked. But I didn't care, I had fun. One of my friends that was new to the class had confessed that he had a crush on me on the way back to school. I had asked him if he would hurt me in the same way that my ex had done and he promised me he wouldn't. Me and my other friend had started being friends again but I had went and betrayed him again unintentionally. I felt really really bad and wanted to apologize but it was too late, the damage had been done. That was our last day of that school, and I would be going to middle school the next school year. (unfinished, but I'm too lazy to type any more right now.) | image tagged in spire | made w/ Imgflip meme maker](http://i.imgflip.com/4xmlys.jpg)
