Ok... I see what your trying to say...
But I think that the word lust has different meaning to each of us.
To me, what you are describing, being sexually aroused by the one you are in love with is part of love, and I would call that chemistry.
You can live someone without that chemistry...
But Eros love has that element of chemistry that otherwise would be like kissing your siblings... yuck!
That chemistry with the one you love makes the spark... the passion... the ultimate fulfillment in a relationship. Both are having all their needs, wants and desires met through each other by mutually giving and receiving love on many different levels.
And yes... when one is in fear of ones spouse or sidnifigant other... that is NOT love... not at all.
When one loves, you cherish, protect and uplift the other.
Abusive relationships are the complete opposite of that.
I LOVE that someone posted the Power Wheel.
I endured years of abuse, and it wasn't until I saw the wheel of power that I realized how incredibly abused I was on so many levels.
Love is about uplifting the other, not complete control.... and fear is a HUGE motivator in that abusive control.
It took many years... but I am finally out of his control and no longer fear him.
I used to think how terrifying it would be if one of our kids got married and I had to see him... how would I react, what would I do?
It was paralyzingly to think of... now, I no longer fear that eventual day...
It's about the happy couple and not the abusive a$$ who I gave too much rent free space in my head to, for far too long.
I want to live life to the fullest, and living I. Fear is the opposite of that too...
No longer will I allow fear to dictate and direct my life... and never again shall it.
Life is too precious to waste living in fear...
I'd rather live in a state of love and complete happiness :-)