I know running away from my problems won't fix them, but I just want to feel some comfort knowing that I won't make them again. Trying to apologize and repent won't fix the holes I've made in others, and the holes others have made in me.
I've tried letting some people know how I feel, how what they said to me once still hurts deep, regardless whether hurting me was intentional or not. Yet, I wish I could forget and let go so it won't hurt me anymore despite their apology. I wish it was that easy.
I'm tired of acting tough when I just want to give in and give up... its just too much work when neither side is going anywhere, when both are in the wrong and neither is seeing the truth.
Some of you might wonder what I'm going to do with my life afterwards, whether I'm going to be back or not. To be real, I don't know.
Tomorrow I could change my mind and decide to come back, maybe the week after, month after, hell even a year after.
At the same time, tomorrow I could be moving on and trying to do something with my life for my future and those who I care about.
Though it is equally possible that I could be six-feet-under tomorrow, whether that'd be from suicide from my guilt or from an external force/condition.
Internet it as how you see fit, but I will leave my account up as a memory.
If you ever see me around on my discord, perhaps you could shoot me a message, no promises that I'll respond.
Despite the emotional hardships I've endured due to this site, those same hardships help me change and become better. I wonder if there was an easier.
I know apologies don't mean shit nowadays, but a "sorry" the most I could give right now. I'm sorry to everyone for every-single-thing.
I know I've said goodbye about seven times before, but I think this is it. I'm not the best at goodbyes since I think I really act melodramatic, but that's just my personality when it comes to things like this.
I'll be as honest as I can with you guys on why I'm leaving. One year ago was a shit time in my irl life, just f**king abuse over and over again. I escaped to imgflip thinking it'll all be better, but with the relationships and friendships I made (you OGs will know the two people I'm mainly referring to as relationships), it just made my mental state and emotional state in disarray. My last one absolutely f**ked me up and not in the good way.
I'll admit I was an awful person back then that honestly could've been a whole lot better those I met. But today is now, and not then. I can't change the past.
Lately, I've been trying to act better to those I still keep in contact with. Though my guilt weights heavily and I still feel the pain/consequences of my actions. If I've wronged you before, please consider us even.
I dont know what I'm doing with my irl life now, pretty sure I'm still searching for forgiveness by trying to help others. I've emotionally matured a lot over the pass year and now I'm coming to realize this all, and just wanna put this all behind me. I'll admit that I still get pissed or act like a f**king toddler at times, but that's just how I've improved now ig.