The married woman is changing her name due to marriage.
The crossdresser is changing pronouns due to the belief that others reinforcing his/her delusion will make it true.
A woman dressed as a man demanding to be called "he" and the whole world complying does not make her a man.
Absolutely nothing - no amount of hormone therapy, no amount of surgery, no amount of acceptance, not even all of these combined will result in her ever becoming a man.
One day she will wake up and will be overcome with the psychological effects of this awareness.
Another difference is you can undo a bad marriage.
Addressing the elephant in the room - NO, none are upset by addressing a woman by her married name and YES, many are upset by being screeched at for resisting the pronoun nonsense.
Social constructs are zany like that.
Like that social construct that makes killing someone a crime punishable by locking the murderer in a cage for life. Crazy, huh?