Fine stores because they were stolen from? That's already an insanely smooth brain move. But then claim that will drive down theft? These people are either retarded or sadistic. Possibly both.
HOW TO THINK LIKE AN NYC DEMOCRAT POLITICIAN; STEP 1: DEFINE THE PROBLEM; "Retail theft is skyrocketing at self-checkout lanes!"; STEP 2: IDENTIFY TWO SOLUTIONS. ONE MUST BE INTELLIGENT AND COST EFFICIENT. THE OTHER MUST BE IRRATIONAL AND EXPENSIVE; "We could press charges on people who steal?"; "Let's fine the store owners for being victims of theft instead?"; STEP 3: SELECT THE IRRATIONAL ANSWER EVERY TIME. REFER TO THIS SOLUTION IN VAGUE, YET POSITIVE TERMS; "You'll raise our prices!"; "Trust me, fining businesses for theft in NYC will have no effect on prices for you. The crime reduction act is great legislation!"; STEP 4: BLAME CLIMATE CHANGE, MYSOGINY, RACISM, THE GOP, OR TRANSPHOBIA WHEN THE SOLUTION FAILS; "Tell CNN the 2026 crime reduction act failed because Trump hates gay teachers!"; STEP 5: ADDRESS THE SAME PROBLEM NEXT YEAR, WHILE ASSUMING EVERYONE FORGOT ABOUT YOUR LAST ATTEMPT; "We have a great idea to lower crime in 2027. We'll fine the stores! Can't believe no one thought of this sooner!"
