What you don't realize is I was a strong Christian for 52 years. I defended the "faith." I led Bible studies. I was a missionary to Central America. I was a staunch, argumentative apologist, much like you. I was a church planter in the Southern USA. I preached in multiple churches. I STILL know more bible verses in my head than you probably do. I went to Christian schools, Christian colleges, Bible Seminaries. I've done this whole song and dance.
And I realized, 52 years later, that it's all a farce.
Prayer doesn't work.
The bible has hundreds, perhaps thousands, of contradictions (I'm still listing them on several Excel sheets).
Jesus probably never existed (read Nailed: 10 Christian Myths that Prove Jesus Never Existed At All by former Christian, David Fitzgerald).
Listen to Dan Barker, former Baptist Minister who come to the same realization.
My own pastor who was a Doctor of Divinity at a conservative Presbyterian Church I formerly attended, could not answer my questions but simply made silly excuses. God always gets excused.
There is something infantile in the presumption that somebody else has a responsibility to give your life meaning … The truly adult view, by contrast, is that our life is as meaningful, as we choose to make it. Scary, huh? It's all up to YOU. No one is coming to save you.
Like you I expect, I don’t believe in Jupiter or Poseidon or Thor or Venus or Cupid or Sinotra or Mars or Odin or Apollo. I don’t believe in ancient Egyptian gods like Osiris, Thoth, Nut, Anubis or Horus his brother who, like Jesus and many other gods from around the world, was said to have been born to a virgin. I don’t believe in Hadad or Enlil or Anu or Dagon or Marduk or any of the ancient Babylonian gods.
I don’t believe in Anyanwu, Mawu, Ngai or any of the sun gods of Africa. Nor do I believe in Bila, Gnowee, Wala, Wuriupranili or Karraur or any of the sun goddesses of Australian aboriginal tribes. I don’t believe in any of the many Celtic gods and goddesses, such as Edain the Irish sun goddess or Elatha the moon god. I don’t believe in Mazu the Chinese water goddess or Dakuwaqa the Fijian shark god, or Illuyanka the Hittite dragon of the ocean. I don’t believe in any of the hundreds and hundreds of sky gods, river gods, sea gods, sun gods, star gods, moon gods, weather gods, fire gods, forest gods . . . so many gods to not believe in.
And I don’t believe in Yahweh, the god of the Jews.