There is no danger! I repeat, there is no danger!

Introducing the no-smoke alarm! It sounds when it detects absolutely no smoke particles in the air! Its blaring noise acts as a constant reassurance of your safety! Just listen to these testimonials! My wife used to keep me up all night with her constant nagging. When she divorced me, I thought my life would change. But ever since I installed the no-smoke alarm, I've had something else to keep me up all night! There was a time in my life when everything made sense. It was so boring. Then I bought the no-smoke alarm. To this day I haven't figured out why anyone thought this was a good idea, but it's made my life more interesting. I recently had no-smoke alarms installed around the Death Star. A few officers and stormtroopers initially objected to it, but I found their lack of faith disturbing. Since then, no one else has objected. I just installed these new smoke alarms in my house. Things are pretty quiet right now. (Unfortunately we have been unable to reach Bad Luck Brian for further comment.); WE HAVE TONS OF NO-SMOKE ALARMS STILL IN STOCK! ORDER YOURS TODAY! OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY!