I solved this dilema cheaply. I came home, dragging ass, from a hard day at work and offered to cook dinner. The kids loved my cooking. Then I let her clean up after me. She had seen how I clean and jumped right away to do it before I could touch a single dish. She hated the way I cleaned.
I didn't have to do it often, but she got the hint.
I grew up with a father who was a violent drunk, he quit drinking 30 years ago and was very remorseful and never raised his hand or voice again, but that doesn't happen enough!
I use it as a lesson and not a crutch, it's all in how you use your life experiences. Getting caught up in victimhood is even a worse experience than the original situation. Forgive but don't forget the lessons learned! We all survived and are close, which is cool! :)
Especially nowadays with the rise of social media, glorifying such and adopting special snowflake syndrome has lead a growing number to wallow in their own glorified self victimization,,,