Wow, I'm so sorry. I can't say anything, as I have no idea what this is like, I don't have it myself. But I know a few people that do have it but they try not to talk about it. I recently lost one of them to suicide, and trying to convince another to not do the same. The only thing I can say is, don't do that. Tomorrow might be a better day, you never know. Again, sorry, I don't know what this is like for you.