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i have been feeling really, really tired today, and that pang of dizziness i got yesterday didn't help. sure, im depressed and stuff, but this suicide thing keeps really haunting my mind (its got nothing to do with you, ultimo). i've just really had enough in this year on imgflip. all the hatred, the hurt, the wars, the fights, the arguments, the stress, the.. everything. so people can really understand how i feel every time i say im depressed, these are what are always on my mind, and i mean always, even in the happiest moments, if i ever had any:
"wtf are you doing with your life?" "youve ruined your life. you have nothing left to live for" "your family is not proud of you, theyre just living with you because that's what they have left, your body and fake presence" "you failed God" "you failed your parents" "you dont even take care of yourself anymore, look at you, you havent showered in three months" "go make your f**king breakfast for god's sake" "i guess imgflip will help" "i want to tear this guy apart and sell his organs on the black market" "why are you getting mad over pixels on the internet?" "youre just so sensitive and weak, being kind only makes it worse" "i guess torturing and harassing a bit of chatbots will help" "stop remembering that f**king embarrassing moment" "your sleep schedule is worse than your life" "bro go sleep its 6 am" "i feel like im going to faint" "how am i going to survive the next year of school" "oh here comes another panic attack" "stop begging for attention" "i really dont feel like doing that" "your future is nothing, it's blank, you don't even study anymore" "wake up, computer, sleep, repeat" "i dont feel like eating anything" "school is really not worth it anymore at this point" "open the damn notebook and read a word" "stop fussing over this meme" "just go kill yourself"
its 3 am right now, and i got hit by some sort of "life flash" like you're just rethinking all of your life choices and your future and past and present in a single millisecond, except for me that millisecond felt like 2 hours. i just stared at the lock screen of my computer, thinking like "is imgflip really worth it?" ive read a lot about other users who felt a lot, lot better after leaving this website. swampy, the comics stream owner, has told me he heard that cheems (an imgflip og i think) felt happier after leaving imgflip. after some war between aub and msmg, i've already got addicted to this website. and when aub died, i joined understream.

this place is even more addictive than aub. take flowey, alphys, sherlock and gaster for example. flowey said he's going to "leave", but he never did or will, because he said himself in my memechat that he's not sure about leaving. alphys, she left for a while, we thought she's gone, but then came back. sherlock got tired of drama, deleted his account, but came back anyway because he said himself that he feels like he physically cant leave this place. gaster. even after he got betrayed, even after he lost owner, even after he got banned, he stil loves this place, still posts and interacts here. he told me that he leans more towards msmg when it comes to arguments, but he also told me that he poured his heart and soul into this stream, and that he's over the rebellion.
those are enough examples to clarify how hard it is to leave understream. its impossible. i love you all. i wouldnt have met any of the most friendly, kindest community ive ever seen on this damned website. i really wish we could someday get the days since drama counter up to 7 at least, but it looks like no stream is safe from drama, even the possibly safest haven of imgflip. back in gaster's era, the biggest problem was not drama, the biggest problem was trash moderation. we wanted to get rid of it. that's what we all were determined to do, and we did it. our determination was so strong we made a whole rebellion and clicked reset on the stream. we made new rules that everyone is content with, we made every opinion matter, we gave those who deserve it high status, and we made the understream a better place. the moderation problem was solved.
the biggest problem in my era? depression. drama. chaos. sometimes i really doubt my place, and wonder again and again if i should have clicked the "remove" button beside gaster's name. every time i talk to gaster or flowey, i literally feel so ashamed. i would never, ever betray anyone. im too kind for that. i felt horrible. i give everyone a second chance, even the people i hate and want to torture them to death, but if they ruin it, i get rid of them. i just... i dont know. am i supposed to lead this stream?

i feel like this is all just nonsense i'm saying. imgflip, aub, understream, blah blah blah. ive always thought that this place helps me feel better because its literally the only thing im living for. if this place disappears, i would already have killed myself. do you wonder why? just read the first comment, those things on my mind are the REASONS i care too much about this place. it's what i have left. it's all i have left. i have nothing else to live for. my future is ruined. my life is worthless. i dont want to see myself grow up and suffer from everything i've done while i was a child. it's two choices, i either die now or fix my life.
fortunately, my religion says that if i commit suicide, i go straight to hell. judge me all you want, im so attached to my religion, and me not practicing it makes me even more depressed. im genuinely terrified of hell, i cant even imagine the torture there. i dont care if this sounds weak, i just believe in my religion.
thats the first ever reason that i didnt kill myself. the second one is my family. i just cant leave them. im only one child, i have no siblings, and killing myself will ruin everything, and i mean everything. i'll be leaving behind my parents, my friends, my life, and i'm just doomed in the afterlife. i'll lose everything.

my therapist told me a few methods to start re-building my life. i'll be following those tricks. i've already realized that imgflip is not helping at all, and its making my life a lot worse. 10% of it is friends, closeness, warmth, inspiration, and fun, but the rest is just... dark. i can't even begin to describe it. this is a hellhole.
i shouldn't be spending my life on this website. i really should start focusing on reality instead of yapping with people that are on the other side of the planet on a "digital realm", as chatgpt calls it.
i'm not deleting my account, and i'm not leaving imgflip or understream. i will just shut down my laptop, disconnect all the wires, and stuff the laptop deep in one of the boxes in the storage room. i just need a day without having to panic or worry or get mad over pixels on a screen.
for those wondering, this is what i wish the understream to be like when i'm on a break/after i come back from the break:
- flare is the leader/head owner
- just don't remove my owner, i'm not leaving or anything, keep it. i dont want to open imgflip after my break just to face instant depression
- dont panic over my absence. remember that i'm rebuilding my life, and that one day i'll come back.
- i dont want the owners to change. god forbids, if anything happens to any of the owners, dont replace them with anyone else until i come back.
- keep track of the mod purges, flare, and if you think anyone is suitable for mod make a voting round for them. consider strongfish.
- spinel is the reporter of events or news in general.
- if flare is offline, lego is in charge.
- keep watch on gaster.
i hope that isnt much. i just dont want to come back from my break just to see chaos in the understream. i trust flare and lego as the highest owners in this stream, and i know they'll do a good job as leaders.

anyway, adios.

make a chain for the salute emoji in the replies of this comment, so it wouldnt be a lame comment section.

o7

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I will not fail you in your quest for rest, System. Go get the rest you deserve, and I’ll be waiting for you.

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I'm rooting for you, System. I'll try not to cause too much drama here or on MSMG, and ily (platonically dw).
IGNORE THE IMAGE LMAOOO 😭

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Good ye system you should take a break

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i can't use emojis rn as i'm on my ancient phone rn, so have this

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Me too

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=(

Good luck, girl. 🫡

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I'm sorry all that is happening, I hope you get help and get better.

I was considering taking a break myself, but for different reasons. Just know that I love you, and we all love you. Get your rest. We’ll be awaiting your return.

Agreed

Fare thee well, O Interaction System, Second General of the Guild of Dragons. May your journey be smooth and your troubles few. I leave five red scales and a piece of my hoard, a brilliant blue jewel, in your hands. I hope to see them again. As you leave now, we shall play the horns and scatter the path with petals and coin, as we shall do when you return to us.

I’m sorry ur going through all of this. Ur a great person and don’t deserve any of the pain ur going through. I wish I could be there for u more and be a better friend like how u are to me. Ur right this website is a hell hole but there are some people in it, like me who will always stick with u in this hellhole. Take all of the time off u need I understand. I love bro. I’ll be praying for u

I’m here for u. I always will be