Not sure what happened to the online therapists stream--shut down or private now.
I can offer my 2 cents for whatever they're worth. I've had an easy life by most measures but I've battled depression for much of it, tried to kill myself, wound up in a psych ward for a week, and am resigned to being on a handful of meds at any given time for the rest of my life. Those are my "credentials", if you will.
Now, if you're in a genuinely abusive environment, call the police for a welfare check. If you're obviously being abused you'll probably end up in some sort of foster care, which would probably be a good intermediary step between your current situation and trying to make a go of it on your own. (Ideally you'd have at least 1 close friend to share your burden since life runs much smoother with the buddy system, but ideally you wouldn't be in a situation that you're tempted to cut and run from.)
If it's more psychological issues rather than environmental, say that you NEED help. If you have health insurance, use it. This is a good idea even outside of a full-blown crisis. Good therapists are tough to find but good ones are life-changing, and between behavioral health skills and the right combination of psych meds...well, it beats the piss out of being despondent.
If no one will listen, present yourself to an emergency room and say you want to kill yourself--that'll get the ball rolling on medication but jesus balls it's expensive, even with insurance. (The process of getting 5150d, not the medication--that's usually cheaper per month than buying lunch.) Anyway, don't pull this ripcord unless you're out of options.
If you're going through the typical gauntlet of puberty and whatnot, chatting with people is probably the best option for you. Whatever you choose, you needn't rationalize it to anyone else. Just know that some things can't be undone, so it's best to start with the least drastic measures first.
Nobody deserves to live in constant torment, and there's no reason to suffer unnecessarily. You're already moving the right direction building a support network.
