Pedophiles are SCUM OF THE EARTH; therefore they deserve to be compared to some of the WORST PEOPLE ON EARTH. [Details inside]

if im congress then yes

This bill is as simple as can be, and does exactly what it says it does: Labels pedophiles as "pedophiles."

Your first reaction might be that a bill like this is unnecessary. You might argue it will have no real-world effect. You might scoff at it as pure virtue-signaling.

Well, that's where you're WRONG, kiddo! Right now some out there are arguing that pedophiles are "minor-attracted persons" (MAPs), a legitimate sexual orientation which ought to be destigmatized, brought into the LGBTQ community, and other such nonsense.

We DISAGREE in the STRONGEST POSSIBLE TERMS. We happen to think that pedophiles are such DETESTABLE HUMAN POND SCUM that they deserve to be called PEDOPHILES: a group that is just as bad, if not worse.

This bill is so COMMON SENSE and APOLITICAL that I fully expect it to garner UNIVERSAL SUPPORT. In fact, I hope that every person who reads this will be unable to resist jumping in and voting "aye," even if not an actual Congressperson, simply to register their complete and total AGREEMENT.

By the way, Conservative Party is NOT offering this bill for cynical or self-interested purposes: for instance, simply to garner headlines and attention for our Party on a hot-button issue.

It's so weird you would even think that! What is wrong with you?! This is about saving the children and nothing else!!!

But, since you're already here, I may as well take the opportunity to explain in more detail the Conservative Party's position on pedophiles, for your benefit and possible consideration for future votes.

At Conservative Party, we deal with pedophiles in the harshest possible terms. That means if any other Party is proposing increasing legal penalties on pedophiles, then we shall propose to double those penalties. If others are arguing that pedophiles should receive the death penalty, then we say that they should be sentenced to death without any rights of appeal. And if you say that pedophiles should be executed NOW, then we say they should be executed YESTERDAY.

You CANNOT outflank the Conservative Party on this issue - it simply CAN'T be done! But if you'd like to try, that's fine by us - the only losers in a competition to see who can crack down the hardest on pedophiles are: you guessed it, PEDOPHILES. And that's more than fine by us!

Understand that we will NEVER waver, compromise, back down, or surrender on this issue (or any other issue).

Please take this information into account for future elections!

AYE.

AYE IN THE MOST EMPHATIC TERMS.

AYE LIKE I'VE NEVER VOTED AYE BEFORE.

THANK YOU, SLOBAMA, FOR BRINGING THIS BILL

Of course "pedo" for short (or "paedo" for our Britishian colleagues) is fine for those who can't be arsed to type out the word completely?

And does this mean "MAPs" is now illegal to use?
Can't stand the term, it ruined the Yeah Yeah Yeahs's song, Maps, for me, which, before the chaos vampires jump in, came out an entire 20ya which is hard to believe how time flies but ain't flying away soon enough with that new connotation.
Gosh, I hate people.

We cannot ban the term MAP as that would violate FREEDOM OF SPEECH. We’re not like the Woke Left! And unlike CERTAIN OTHER PARTIES, we RESPECT THE CONSTITUTION. (More on that later — stay tuned!)

THIS bill would merely clarify the government’s official stance that PEDOPHILES ARE PEDOPHILES, and if people wish to read into that statement that MAP IS NOT VALID, then they are MORE THAN WELCOME TO DO SO.

PEDO IS FINE

I ALSO HATE PEOPLE BUT THE PURE LOVE OF FREEDOM KEEPS ME GOING

Based bill.