I know running away from my problems won't fix them, but I just want to feel some comfort knowing that I won't make them again. Trying to apologize and repent won't fix the holes I've made in others, and the holes others have made in me.
I've tried letting some people know how I feel, how what they said to me once still hurts deep, regardless whether hurting me was intentional or not. Yet, I wish I could forget and let go so it won't hurt me anymore despite their apology. I wish it was that easy.
I'm tired of acting tough when I just want to give in and give up... its just too much work when neither side is going anywhere, when both are in the wrong and neither is seeing the truth.
Some of you might wonder what I'm going to do with my life afterwards, whether I'm going to be back or not. To be real, I don't know.
Tomorrow I could change my mind and decide to come back, maybe the week after, month after, hell even a year after.
At the same time, tomorrow I could be moving on and trying to do something with my life for my future and those who I care about.
Though it is equally possible that I could be six-feet-under tomorrow, whether that'd be from suicide from my guilt or from an external force/condition.
Internet it as how you see fit, but I will leave my account up as a memory.
If you ever see me around on my discord, perhaps you could shoot me a message, no promises that I'll respond.
Despite the emotional hardships I've endured due to this site, those same hardships help me change and become better. I wonder if there was an easier.
I know apologies don't mean shit nowadays, but a "sorry" the most I could give right now. I'm sorry to everyone for every-single-thing.
