Don't use your children as weapons

Right now, all I'm trying to do is stay alive...survive...not take my own life...because I know my children will need me when they're older...I'm trying to pretend that each day I live isn't Hell on Earth...

I wish it were that simple...she waited until I was literally mid-breakdown to have the custody agreement drafted...She's literally turned all my friends against me and had her family spy on me online...besides my sister, I don't think anyone believes the struggle I've gone through, just for the sake of being a father.

Yesterday, I held my eldest, my baby girl, while she cried and told me how afraid she was that her mother was going to make me "go away"

She's SEVEN.

The only reason I'm posting this shit here is because it's the one account no one knows about, and because she has literally ensured that I have no one outside my family that I can vent to.

I miss my kids every day I don't see them. And when I see them, all I do is have fun, and be a good father to them. I f**ked up just after the divorce...four years ago...but I have never said a bad word to my children about their mother. And every time I've tried to make peace, tried to talk, tried to find out anything more that the most rudimentary shit about what's going on in my children's lives, I hit a brick f**king wall.

And because I was f**ked by my own lawyer, she's holding the big end of the stick.

Your ex will be the one to pay for what she says later not you. Both of my kids mother's bailed to go pretend they weren't parents and I try my damndest not to talk bad about them. Your kids love you regardless of the situation and when your ex talks bad about you they will resent her for it. At first my son blamed me for his mom never being around. And when he saw her no matter if it had been months he was over the moon. It took a long time but he gets it now at 6 yrs old and hasn't asked for her in the 7 months she has disappeared this time.

I realize our situations are reversed, I used to have to pressure my ex to be a mother but not any longer. I do know kids though and how they handle this shit. You may be losing time but you won't lose that love if you show them you are doing all you can.

Hopefully your ex gets over her power trip and starts putting your kids first eventually. She thinks she is punishing you but she is truly punishing them. If she is talking bad about you to them it's her they will put under a microscope when you aren't around. She wants to open up that judgement door with children she better be ready for them to judge.

I hope things mellow out in the near future and you guys can come to some sort of agreement. The big end of the stick does get heavy after a while.

Sorry to hear that.

Just keep doing the right thing for your kids and your children will make up their own minds over time.
You can't b******t anyone forever, even children, eventually they're going to see that the lies and the facts aren't adding up and it always ends up backfiring against the liar.
Difficult now but you've probably got your children for life once they've worked things out.

Also get yourself some new friends, family and stop using all your current online accounts.
Open new ones, keep them in private mode and only tell those you want to talk to.
Anyone spying will just see an account thats not updating.

Besides, f**k your so called 'friends' They're not your friends and never were -- just consider your situation to be a filtering system -- filtering out all the crap (your ex, her family, fake friends etc etc).

Just start a new life, open new accounts, let everyone spy on your old unused ones, forget your ex and trying to be on good terms, forget what other people think and just focus on your kids.
Everything else doesn't mean s**t so not worth thinking about.

I'm too old, too tired, and too hurt to make new friends, meet new people. I don't want another relationship, because I don't want to watch another lover grow to hate me. I'm not the best person...and clearly I must be a bigger bastard than I thought.

And here I am editing my truthful comments so they might have a chance or tolerating the flighty drama queen ????

Listen you misogynist pig: I HAVE TWO DAUGHTERS. They are not "female", they are girls...on their way to becoming WOMEN. My eldest is fearless and excells at science, her sister a brilliant creative mind with an eye for visual effects. Their brother is musically and mechanically inclined...all of them are equal, and if you say "All Females Lie" or "Yes All Women," or any other anti-"female" bullshit, you're less deserving of respect than my f**king Ex-Wife.

It's ok. I know who you're really angry at. I have been wrongfully stabbed by females enough times to know the deal.