Fatespeaker: So, Kingkanju is late today. Anyone wanna bet why?
Fatespeaker: I say they slipped through the subway grate and is having terrible sex with the mole man.
Glory: I don't know about that...I think either their alarm clock didn't go off, or they're in line at the bank.
Quokka: Take this more seriously! Kingkanju was clearly taken in their sleep!
Starflight: I bet they tucked themselves into the bed too tightly and got stuck.
Platapuss: Maybe they fell into another dimension where they're more interesting...?
*Kingkanju arrives*
Kingkanju: Sorry I'm late - there was a problem at the bank.
Glory, clapping their hands in excitement: HOT DAMN!
Starflight: Stressed.
Luna: Depressed.
Cricket: Possessed.
Dogong: Obsessed.
Sunny: Impressed.
Clay: Chicken breast.
Everyone: ...What?
Clay: I just wanted to join in.
Snowfall: Today, Swordtail took my phone, and in five minutes, they sent high resolution close-up photos of Fatespeaker to the following people: Glory, Sunny, Tsunami, the neighbors, the bank, my accountant, San Diego Blood Bank, and Shake Shack's text bot.
Qubli: Is it still visible? Where Winter slapped me?
Sunny: Your face looks like a don't walk signal.
Umber: Your face looks like a photo negative for the hamburger helper box.
Starflight: A palm reader could tell Winter's future by looking at your face.
Quokka: The phrase 'talk to the hand cause the face ain't listening' doesn't work for you, because the hand is your face.
Qubli: ...A simple 'yes' would've sufficed.
Platapuss: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*
Sundew: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents.
Platapuss: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you.
Mulberry: Actually I did the math, Sundew would have $225, not $0.15.
Sundew: Fam I’m right here....
Dogong: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)
Platapuss: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?
Dogong: Sorry I only have a dollar.
Platapuss: :(
Mulberry: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Sundew would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent.
Dogong: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice.
Mulberry: You can buy anything you want with $22,500.
Swordtail: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice.
Mulberry: Apply juice to what.
Swordtail: Directly to the forehead.
Sundew: Great chat everyone.
Mulberry: Do you even have a plan?
Winter: This is the plan! I break you out, chaos, destruction, something something something, we win!
Mulberry: Oh, of course, the old “something something something we win”. That’s a terrible plan!
Turtle, texting: Sunny, will you please go to sleep?
Sunny, texting back: What makes you think you didn’t just wake me up?
Turtle, yelling: I CAN HEAR YOU CLAPPING TO THE FRIENDS THEME EVERY TWENTY MINUTES SHUT THE F**K UP AND GO THE F**K TO SLEEP!
Turtle, texting: Just a hunch :) You goin’ to sleep soon?
Sunny, texting: I’m trying
Turtle, yelling again: TRY HARDER I HAVE A 5:45 AM MEETING TOMORROW BITCH
Turtle, texting: Okay, don’t stay up too late or you’ll be cranky :)
Tsunami: I have a philosophy in life; if the seat is open, the job is open. That’s how I came to briefly drive a Formula 1 car.
Quokka: A butterfly! Hey, little guy, gal or nonbinary pal!
Tsunami: Can a butterfly be nonbinary?
Quokka: I mean, maybe? I don't judge.
Umber, staring dreamily out of the window: Ah, have you ever imagine having butterfly wings? Then-
Sundew: Then it would be inconvenient as f**k. Your wings would smack every doorframe and your clothes would have to have holes in the back.
Peril: Also, your wing's paper thin, so even a six year old aimed a NERF gun at it would... Yeah...
Luna: *sips coffee* According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a-
Umber: No, nononono. You f**kers have already shattered my dream, you don't get the f**king privilege to make that reference.
Tsunami: Also, it's about a butterfly, not a bee... Why would you make that reference?
Quokka: You clearly have not lived with them long enough.
