Religion IS desperation. When faith is your foundation, you can be led to believe ANYTHING and you are proof. I was led that way too, for decades. Then I broke free.
You've claimed there was a "god shaped hole in the human heart" which is hilarious. No. There's not. That's a stupid claim. Humans evolved to detect patterns quickly because false positives were cheaper than false negatives (like mistaking wind for a predator). This tendency produces meaningful connections whether or not they exist objectively. Gods are inferred patterns, not psychological necessities based on an organ that doesn't exist like you think. Closely paired with patternicity is agenticity: the tendency to attribute intention to ambiguous events. Thunder becomes a god’s anger; fortune becomes providence. This explains your religious beliefs without positing a missing metaphysical component in your damaged psyche.
Humans evolved to trust in-group authorities. When beliefs are endorsed by parents, clergy, or communities, skepticism is neurologically and socially costly. I know. I lost my wife and family. She would rather have broken her wedding vows before god than be with someone who didn't believe. Same for my daughter, my son however, is not a believer so we've been able to maintain a good relationship. Weird huh? There's no hate like christian love let me tell you.
Once a religious belief is adopted, contradictory evidence is discounted while supporting anecdotes are amplified. Everyone sees this from psychologists to anthropologists. The religious sometimes see it in other religions but rarely their own. Religious systems are especially effective at insulating beliefs from falsification as excuses are made that defy logic.
Humans typically adopt beliefs first (via emotion, culture, or authority - or all three) and then invent reasons afterward just like you've done. This alone undermines the idea that religion fills an existential vacuum; rather, it exploits normal post-hoc rationalization that you continually use.
If a god-shaped hole existed, religious belief would be uniform around the world. Instead, belief content tracks with geography, family, and social reinforcement and it tracks with precision. This is strong evidence for cultural inheritance, not an innate religious void. This is the RVDT - the Religious Diversity Test - but you test nothing. You just believe ...
Remember, I've been where you are now. But I broke free of those chains. You can't see it.
