What's Next, and Did I Miss Something?

You left out:
He steals candy from babies.
He never tips, anybody, ever.
He owns 27 slaves.
He eats boogers.
He never ever ever flushes the toilet.
He has never returned any library book.
He gets 10 free samples of gelato, but doesn’t buy any.

See! I can make up bullshit just like you do

The difference being,

Yours are actually funny and entertaining to read

Must be paid by the lie.

Yes…you missed the truth

Missed all of it.

Bone spurs draft coward

Hitler?! No! He just quotes Hitler, mimics Hitler, aspires to be Hitler… but he’s not ACTUALLY Hitler.

Just those other things

Oohhh, organ harvester.