China is not Orr friend

"Enemy" nation? US at war with China too now? I'm behind on the news and can't keep track of who the US has bombed before breakfast.

Like sure, you're not exactly friends in the great big global board game and we know they pose lots of economic and security threats, but at least you're not bombing each other so that's nice. (The Brits already tried that years ago (Brits get mad when you deprive them of opium) and it went pretty well for them when they trashed the Chinese navy. So you could always try that. China didn't have nukes back then though.)

Anyway welcome to globalization. Unless you're talking free-range eggs from the farmer down the road or something, everything is made everywhere now.

Ever heard of niobium? It's used for jet engines. Quite useful for all those flying toys you folks like to make. Guess where over 90% comes from? Brazil and Canada. You don't have much, sorry. Not enough to do anything useful with, anyway. So if you want to start building zeppelins for your next military campaigns or vacations, be my guest.

That phone/tablet/laptop or whatever that you're writing and reading this on? Its lithium-ion battery needs graphite. Guess what country produces around 80% of that? (Hint: it's one of your enemies.) You can always just use an old-fashioned pencil to make your memes, of course. Oh wait. Well, maybe you can still make pencils without China. But you might have a few issues with your electronics.

Tin. Need that for your phone too. China and Indonesia are the main producers. US imports 90%. So better try and stay friendly with them if you want to keep watching TikTok vids. (The UK would've maybe helped you out but their mines closed down years ago, and also you threw all their tea in the harbor and they're a bit disgruntled about that. Bad sportsman"ship", old chaps.)

Rare Earth Elements. Need those to run your tech. Oh look, China produces most of that too.

Nitrocellulose. Need that for blowing stuff up. Oh damn, China again. You're right: even US military experts have raised concern about your reliance on this.

The US might still be the global *military* superpower, but when it comes to resources you need to even function as a modern industrial nation, unfortunately you are utterly dependent on imports. Just like everyone else. Oh well. So it's probably a good idea to stay friends. Unless you're planning on colonizing some resource-rich asteroid or something. Just build a few more rockets. Oh wait...

TL;DR: While you folks have been busy thumping your chests and lecturing the rest of the world about how great and "free" you are non-stop (yes, we heard you the first 100 times and no offence, but most of the world really doesn't care as much as you seem to think they do, but enjoy your self-congratulatory wankfest anyway and drink a freedom toast on us), building bombs and trying to topple every foreign regime and their grandma to show how big your wieners are (while you're busy shrieking and beating each other up over the definition of said wieners and banging on incessantly about rainbow flags and evil globalist Islamic takeovers and conspiracies), China has been quietly buying up everything in sight all across the globe, massively investing in both old-fashioned fossil fuels as well as green and future tech and infrastructure, planning ahead, and becoming the country the world depends on for those little gadgets we all like.

(Helps when you can save some of your budget by not engaging in foreign military campaigns every 5 minutes that destabilize entire regions, displacing millions of people and leading to humanitarian (or "migrant") crises and the formation of new global terror threats to fill the power vacuum.) And this from a country run by a freaking authoritarian Communist regime with a terrible human rights record (maybe even as bad as yours). Sure, they like to go on about Taiwan, but they haven't actually done anything yet or dropped bunker busters on the Taipei skyline. And if I'm not mistaken, and leaving aside cyber warfare and so on, the last time China was engaged in an overt foreign military conflict was... 1979.

Unlike the US, which seems to have been in a state of virtual permawar or involved in overseas military interventions (both overt or otherwise) for *checks notes* over 80% of your very short lifespan as a nation. Talk about childhood growing pains. Let us know when you finish puberty as a country and calm down a bit, hey? We get it, growing up is hard. We've all been there so don't sweat it. Gotta get that testosterone out somehow. (Maybe take up kickboxing or go for a jog instead?)

Also better get mining, folks. And learn how to smelt titanium ore and process phosphorus in your backyard. At least you'll still have eggs.

PS This is what us foreign enemy types term "sarcasm" and "banter". We know it often goes over your heads (in those airplanes made with imported precious materials from your enemies). So chill.

Bro TL;DR is supposed to be shorter than the original.

It's a choke chain.

Yup... we saw that when they unleashed the virus.

Yes, China manufactured Covid in a lab in Wuhan (or it leaked by mistake and they can't ever admit to that cuz they'd still be in Big Trouble for such a terrible slipup 👀) to shut down and crash the global economy (including their own), remove all our freedoms for 2 years, force us all to wear face diapers, and kill millions of vulnerable and elderly people to reduce the global population, and we all fell for it hook, line and sinker. Baaaa! Not only that, but almost every single world government was in on the hoax, even the ones that hate each other. How's that for finally getting some global cooperation? Normally we can't agree on anything. And we speak hundreds of different languages so the interpreters at that secret meeting deserve a medal.

China gets points. The entire world bar a few exceptions, all finally united, after some top-secret sweat lodge meeting of every global leader, hundreds of thousands of independent scientists, and millions of doctors and medical professionals across the globe all sworn to secrecy and paid off by the CPP in the Plandemic contract. You've gotta hand it to China: they're playing on God Mode while we haven't even left the demo version.

They must be punished for this outrage. 🤬 Start the tariffs NOW.

Actually wait: I thought Covid was just the flu anyway with a 99.9% survival rate, so what's the problem? 🤔

It's not like pandemics just happen by themselves every so many years throughout human history. They're all planned and this has been going on since forever. 👀 Just ask the Masons. (Not a lot of people know this so please keep it yourself, but one of George Soros' ancestors actually started the Bubonic Plague in an apothecary in present-day Kyrgyzstan to try and take out the Holy Roman Empire. He had a secret rat-breeding farm in his backyard and was a double agent for the Mongols. Make Hungary Great Again and all that.)

CCP* even. Stupid keyboard. But its real name is the Chinese Plandemic Party lol.

They sequenced covid it was lab made. Whether they did it on purpose or the US military did (as China claims), or it was an accidental leak, it did in fact come from Wuhan, funded by fouci.