I'm dreaming of a "white" Christmas

I am pro cookie.

Cookies are great until you get 3 dozen a week and they're all super dry.
Milk helps the same as those weird orange drinks help wash down halloween candy. lol

I see your point and agree, how are you doing, your other post with the bear had me worried about you.

Honestly I didn't expect anyone to really notice or care about that post, since virtually everyone else just up and abandoned me because I couldn't impress or benefit them anymore.

People are pack animals we need others, it took me a long time to figure that out, I do not like people to fuss over me, I like being alone most of the time but when I can, as I said in the early post I break out of my bubble and seek people with less than I have, hurting people, unhappy people and I add value to their life, what really impresses people is not wealth, it is you seeing them and accepting them where they are at and insisting that you can help them out or just sit in silence with them.

Your time is your most valuable asset, use it to improve and lessen the struggles of the people around you and the rest will work itself out.

Still not well. I feel like I'd need a whole book full of miracles to save me because there's nothing I can do anymore, and it's hard to see any light anymore. I don't know what there is to live for if my life will continue to be like this.

I'm almost 29, too, so it's not the typical teenage depression like you'll see in places like this. I just can't take it anymore.

I did notice and do care. When we last talked about this, I suggested to find a job you may have to relocate, there are plenty of jobs open for 1st responders, military etc but those could require moving. at 29 I was still in the service killing people a few shades darker than myself because some suit told us they were our enemies. I am older now and realize they were never my enemy just the suits enemy.

I was broken when I figured out it was all for nothing, my friends died for lies, for corporate greed nothing more, no country, no honor, no freedom, just greed.

Since then, I have reinvented myself, I see the lies and refuse to live among them, I have the skills to protect my own, to build things, repair some and grow my own food, no matter what comes I plan to be ready. always learning.

You are hurting, I get it, been there but 29 is young enough to face your demons and kick the crap out of them. The world is a big place, find your path and go.

For me it's not even the job that's my main issue now, because even if I am able to find a job, it's putting up with the life I have now that makes me just tired of it all.

Every time I try to reinvent myself I just lose more than what I started with, from physical health to faith to people in my life. Right now my life just feels so empty, and being the outgoing and extroverted guy I am (an endangered species nowadays, it seems) loneliness literally drives me insane. Even if I had a seven figure job at NASA, having no one and no life to come home to just makes me not want to do it. It's almost as meaningless as I am.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not the stereotypical depressed millennial who's sad about finding his purpose. I just try to keep myself stable while getting the most I can out of life and making it a good day for those around me. For me, I just can never seem to find any peace. Every good thing I try to do, every person I try to help, every time I try to even be in a positive mood and make someone smile, it somehow becomes a problem. Plus having more people that don't want you than people that do (which it looks like I'll die single and without any friends to spend time with) just makes it seem impossible that I'll ever change that.

I'm not seeking attention or public approval like some twitter user, I just can't live like a hermit, everything just loses meaning. Unfortunately you have to have something people want nowadays. I've never had anything a woman wanted, and now I don't have anything that even potential "friends" want either. I don't see the point in just extending my unhappiness.

Also on a side note, that's the main reason I never wanted to join the military. I'm pro 2A but refuse to pick up a gun, but I especially refuse to be forced to kill or die for some suit's personal game.

You are looking for purpose in the wrong places, your ability to live and thrive depend on two things: realizing you cannot do it alone and having a reason to do so.

I am a man of faith, that faith which I fail daily has never failed me. I look for opportunities, not to preach, I am no pastor. But to seek out people that I can help, even in very small ways.

A waitress that has had a bad morning can flip it all when the right customer visits, a smile, a tip with a small note added. Hand a bottle of water to a UPS driver on a hot day, yes most carry their own but small things matter as does another human showing kindness, concern and just seeing them. Small of kindness are everywhere, helping someone load feed bags at a feed store.

Here is an example that I look forward to. Most months I drive to town and eat at the same waffle house, I have done it for years. Every December, I go in about a week before Christmas ask for the manager and give every employee 20 bucks. I save a long time for this; they have 12-15 at least at that store. It's not about the money, it's about people seeing their value. They are my favorite restaurant not because they know my name, because they act like they do. Last year, the longtime employees, smiled when I walked in and told a new employee that is him, smiles everywhere, I had made their day, the amount is small, 20 dollars extra is not life changing but it is what I can do, and they are worth the effort. My friends and family have no idea I do this.

I wasted years doing what you are doing now, looking for admiration, respect, purpose and even love from others.

When I realized that I had all those things, I did a 180, I explained to God that I was living for me, not him and to put people in my path that I could help, that changed everything. I will spare you all my good deeds, those don't matter, what matters is you need to understand that even a random stranger, from a website cares, really cares, and more importantly wants you to see your value, to help you find your purpose and thrive.

Here is what worked for me, feel free to use the parts that work for you. I started attending church, I started volunteering to help them, that opened more opportunities and added a bigger circle of people into my life. I can't burn money, I don't have a lot of that, but I can raise and grow food, I give a lot of food away. I fix and repair things for people that no longer can, visit elderly or call on people with no one.

Like I said, I'm not even looking for purpose, nor am I looking for constant admiration or whatever. It'd be nice to get, as I constantly try to come to terms of living without it... like, any. As you first mentioned, we're pack animals, but I've been unwanted in any pack for my entire life. I'm not seeking a pedestal, just a pack. Being alone my whole life has taken meaning away from everything. No matter how nice I try to be or how many good things I try to do others (which they end up just using me, then they always toss me aside whenever I'm no longer of use, and yes, I've tried volunteering with churches too), I'm getting tired of doing it on my own and being seen as another "that guy," and more tired of just being on my own in general, especially as the chaos of my life has been getting the better of me and I can never qualify enough to gain a pack to have my back on days when my prayers seem to be silent because they can't benefit from me.

I don't get it how the-

-Many people get cookies as gifts from friends and neighbors during the holidays.
-A lot of cookies go to waste because no one wants to eat them.
-Milk is often paired with cookies and can make snacking on them easier, especially super dry ones