This question is for guys, everybody knows girls don't poop

the rumours are true. we do not shit.

I choose option A), which I see to be the most optimal.

Back to front will result in fecal matter possibly touching the lower half of the male genientalia.

Side to side may clog up at the corners between each cheek and the bottom of the crevice.

Blotting will not sufficiently pick up everything, since nothing is being wiped off, but merely absorbed.

Spoken like a true gentleman. High five! I hope you washed your hands...

thats just gross if you dont wash ur hands

Thank you! 🎩👌🏻 And, yes, I did, indeed, wash my hands, since all employees must wash their hands.

likewise