I also like pursuing high-maintenance women who are never satisfied and make me feel like a constant failure

I like to save the flakes at the bottom of the Malt-O-Meal Frosted Mini Spooners bag and eat them separately, then pretend I'm a lumberjack eating sawdust cereal!

Still though, only one percent of guys can meet modern standards. I met a girl online who worked at McDonald's and couldn't even be her friend.

Wow. That's some damn high standards 💀