I'm sorry that you're going through such a difficult time. I understand that you're experiencing a lot of pain and feel hopeless about the future. It's important to remember that you matter and there are people who care about you, even if it may not feel like it right now.
There are many resources available to help with suicidal ideation, including hotlines, online forums, and mental health professionals. Please reach out to someone for support. Remember that you deserve to live a fulfilling and happy life, and there is hope for a better future.
Please don't make any drastic decisions without seeking help first. You are important and loved, and I hope that you will find the strength to get through this difficult time. There is a whole community of people who care about you and want to support you. Take care of yourself, and don't hesitate to reach out for help.