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Part 5.5 of Shiver’s most recent story, they asked me to rewrite it :D

Part 5.5 of Shiver’s most recent story, they asked me to rewrite it :D | made w/ Imgflip meme maker
76 views Made by Pearlfan23 1 year ago in Imgflip-bossfights
10 Comments
0 ups, 1y,
1 reply
The Exotic creator laughed to itself as it knew that Hakai was a problem.

"Hakai was going to betray me, send some scouts to her location now" The Exotic creator said

"Yes sir" Sagi said

The Exotic creator soon traveled to the Andromeda kingdom where it had went to the royal cemetery stealthily. The Exotic creator soon dug up the body of a long dead princess who was also a powerful mage. It refilled the hole, and then left. Soon the Exotic creator went back to it's lab and got back to work on the revival process again.

"Alright, let's do this one last time" The Exotic creator said

The Exotic creator started to work on medical procedures while chanting specific phrases.

"revenite" The Exotic creator chanted
[Come back]

The Exotic creator had the Andromeda sword next to the corpse of the princess and the Exotic creator was also making potions.

"ad vitam" The Exotic creator chanted
[To life]

The Exotic creator started to perfect the potion liquid.

"et tu" The Exotic creator chanted
[And you]

"experieris gratiam renascentiae" The Exotic creator chanted
[Will experience the grace of rebirth]
0 ups, 1y
The corpse of the princess was suddenly revived with all her skin. The Exotic creator quickly poured the potion on the princess and the revival was suddenly permanent. The princess quickly grabbed the Andromeda sword and she suddenly saw the Exotic creator.

"GAH WHO ARE YOU!?!" The princess shouted

"I am the Exotic creator but you can call me Exo" Exotic creator said

"I'm Rea" Rea said

"I need you on your feet" The Exotic creator said

Soon Rea got back and was ready. The Exotic creator soon sent Rea to the United Universes base after the scouts had reported back.
0 ups, 1y,
1 reply
Thanks!
0 ups, 1y
Yw!
0 ups, 1y,
1 reply
I haven't read it yet but it looks like you just shortened it a bit
0 ups, 1y,
1 reply
I didn’t, I just changed some words that was driving me nuts
0 ups, 1y,
1 reply
Oh
0 ups, 1y
And shiver unfortunately didn’t fact check on Rea (yes she is my oc)
0 ups, 1y,
1 reply
not bad but tbh
you didn't change much, and some of the structuring was kinda... 'worsened'??? like the sentences don't really flow as much anymore, they feel a bit too abrupt
0 ups, 1y
ÆUGH
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