Friend, this isn't the way. This is disordered what you are saying here. It is you who are blind, for you cannot see your own errors.
'Focus on your own light'?
That is pride, the mother of all sins. In fact, it is the sin that banished Lucifer to hell for all eternity. It is one of the worst things about modern society.
'You're holding yourself back with false expectations.'
These aren't expectations. Morality is not subjective.
Anyhow, I must go to pray for you now. I hope that you will find God soon.
