The_Soldier temp

once i almost drowned in a waterpark when i was 6

this is true, ive escaped being executed by the police for pedophilia 6 times.

wait, you can get executed for pedophilia?

yeah i kidnapped, raped, and killed 69420 children.
luckily, the Indonesian national police cant find a single trace of me

Unfortunately, there are no kids in Indonesia.
Therefore, you are lying.

wait you raped kids in indonesia ??!?!?!?!?

I once narrowly escaped being crushed by a bouncy house
I also once kissed my second cousin

W h a t ?

Yeah the bouncy house was an interesting experience

The other one though

That’s two family members I’ve kissed

Hold on my sister’s getting into the bed with me gotta go

i almost od off 20 xanax bars

CAN YOU
CAN YOU N O T

lol that was 2 years ago i also downed it with half a bottle of rum that would have been a cool way to go out

No it wouldn't have.
A cool way to go out would be going into outerspace and doing a huge ass suicide bomb with nukes that destroy planet Earth.

little out of budget dont you think

UNLESSSS YOU BREAK INTO NASA'S SPACE CENTER, STEAL A ROCKET, DUCK TAPE 100 NUCLEAR BOMBS ON THE ROCKET, BLAST OFF INTO SPACE AND KILL YOURSELF.

how am i gonna get nukes tho nar?

Uh
Uhhhh
UhhHhhH-

FLY A WARCRAFT PLANE INTO BEIJING CHINA AND STEAL IT'S NUKES WHILE GUNNING DOWN ANYONE (GAURDS ETC) WHO TRY TO STOP YOU.

AND
*Nar
DIUDDED

Can't seem to remember any time I almost died, guess i'm either an extremely safe person or i'm just boring

I escaped death by these

5 times i managed to successfully catch my breath after almost dying from laughing too hard

Once by kicking the knife out of someone's hand when he threatened to stab me