Another vent,but with art!....yay!......

Why??? Why just why? Why can't I just be myself without people saying "YOU F****T YOUR GOING TO BURN IN HELL" I JUST WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A NORMAL FREAKING HUMAN BUT WHO IS CALLING ME A F*G???? MYSELF..IM F*CKING HURTING MYSELF AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY!!!!! I WANT TO BE NORMAL,BUT WHOOO IS BULLINING ME???? THE PERSON WHO DOSNT WANT TO BE BULLIED......I'm just going insane,it's final am insane. Put me in a straight jacket In a completely white room cause I'm freaking insane

Hi, Howdyheyimsad, I'm sorry that you're going through a lot. the name calling, the contention between you and your mother, and the wish to feel like you.

Do you feel that you're being bullied riight now?

Not really....its kind of on and off

Do you get it mostly on ImgFlip, or it's simply spread out throughout your interations with people?

Not either..well if you count talking to yourself as a iteration with a person

Your mind and heart must have been at war with each other for a very long time. Your mind says "This is not normal" but your heart says "If it's not normal, why do I feel this way?" You may have been born as a girl but you feel the opposite at time went on.

Am I correct in saying that?

Yep

Hi Howdyheyimrei, I apologize for being gone for this long, but how are you doing?

Hi! It’s ok, I’m doing better...

And, are you still being called names by your fellow students?

Not as much

I'm glad to hear that you are. Has relations improved with your mother?

Nope

I've read earlier that your friends are dead. I'm very sorry for your loss. Do you have a support group to go to in the storm you find yourself in now?

If you count this stream as a support group yes

Do you feel adequetely supported by the existing group?

Yep

By "... talking to yourself as a iteration with a person" you mean, inner conflict within yourself?

Yes

Hi Howdyheyimsad, how are you doing?

Good,not the best but could be worse

Yes, it could be worse. there are so many things that can go wrong in life that, in think on it, makes one appreciate life all the more.

How are you handling quarantine?

Decently

That's good; I imagine you have things to do at home, books to read, chores and study?

Yep

You've said above, which I've overlooked, that you're hurting yourself. Have you still been doing that?

No

I"m afraid that I'm not as familiar with the various Pronouns as I should be. Please forgive me for asking this ,but what is non-binary?

Non-binary is basically meaning someone who dosnt feel like they are male or female

I must go now, but would it be OK if I check on you on a weekly basis to see how you are doin?

Sure

Sorry, doing*

Thank you for your explanation. Do you have an attraction for either gender?

Yes

"They/Them"

OK, thank you for letting me know.

No problem

That's good. By the way, who is "Mae"?

Mae?

What pronoun is the most appropriate for someone to use in reference to you?

They/them

OK. I want to ask you this, do you feel suicidal now?

No,thankfully

OK. I'll talk to you next week. Enjoy your weekend, and stay safe.

K,you too

Unfortunately, i need to go very soon, but back on the feelings of suicide, were there days when you feel the most suicidal, have you planned on the way you would kill yourself?

Not really,one time I thought I could tie some rope to my fan and hang myself that way,but the fan would break,and my mom dosnt let me use knives so I PROBRABLY would just jump out of my 2nd story window,wich again probrably won't work

I see. How is your relationship with your mother; before you came out, have you enjoyed a good relationship with her?

My relationship with her is getting somewhat better,she isn't a horrible mom she just can have really bad days because of stress,and before I came out it was sometimes bad,but for the most part good

I want to ask you this one more question about your mother. Do you feel you have to walk on eggshells with her, whenever she comes home?

When she comes home late/stressed yes,but other times no

How long has it been since you came out, and was there any improvement to your relationship with your mother, other than her attempts to get your pronouns correctly?

It was last year so a decent amount of time,and I think she is a bit less homophobic now

In those times when she comes home late at night and feeling stressed, has she put you down, called you horribke names, made you feel worthless, or claim that you're ungrateful?

Not really..on rare occasions yes,but she mostly just gets angry easily

And when you came out, she was more than disturbed but angry that you wanted to change into the gender you feel that is really you?

Well I didn't come out about being non-binary I came out as pan a while before I knew I was non-binary

And sometimes I dropped hints about being non-binary,but she thinks that I'm saying im trans

You've written the following:

Oh...I was refering to a video game character

Is your mother a religious person, and if so, what is her religious affiliation?

She isn't that heavily religious but shes Christian

OK, since she's not that religious she hasn't quoted any scripture to you, or gave you an eternal ultimatum?

No

Whoever is running the universe just make it happen,then my family won't have to deal with this failure of a creature..just let me get stabbed,just do it please

I can't answer for the Lord, but I can say this; the troubles we have now does not last forever.

I'm alone almost all the time,my mom won't even let me look remotely masculine,and sometimes uses my correct pronouns,but still misgenders me more often.....I don't really want to die though...I just want it to all be fixed...my relationship with my mom...my friends that are now dead....I want it all to be normal again....now I know how Mae felt in night in the woods....the world dosnt wait for you,it changes. But I just want it to be normal again,even if it happened for one day...just one day where I have the ideal or even close to ideal life I would be happy

Dear Rei,

First off I wanna say I'm really sorry about that comment I made, about the wedding. I was speeding through users and randomly sending invites.

Second, please do not feel alone or sad. You don't deserve this pressure. You are beautiful and amazing.

Third, if you ever, and I mean EVER, need anything, contact me on my latest image. I will get you as soon as I can to help.

Fourth, you don't need to be normal. You are you, and that's what makes you great. Please don't give up. Keep fighting.

Sincerely, Herman_the_Crab (Autumn)

Good post.

Thank you. I wanted them to know I really care, and I don't want to be rude.

I think you've shown that care well.

:)

It's ok,I can understand how you where speeding through the invites,thanks,and I'm still not dead today so that's an achievement

You have a good friend in Herman.

I guess yea

Thank you for understanding.

No problem

ʕ　·ᴥ·ʔ

I see. How do you relate to Mae in terms of your experience? Is it the desire to return to the normalcy you've once felt?

Yep

I used to be the same way. That’s why I visited the mental hospital. Twice.

Twice? Wow....

Yep. Once for suicide attempt, once for hallucinations. Feel free to vent to me because I’ve been through shit before. Like everything (except death of a close family member and girl related issues. My dad abandoned me but he hasn’t died yet)

Thanks,and my dad left too...about when I was 5 I think

I was 8. Dunno which would be harder

Yea...