Wow, that's not really something I hear everyday. And it might not be something that's easy for you to say but it's probably a good thing that you can at least talk about it. Personally, I've never understood the concept. I feel like it's going to happen no matter what so I might as well ride it out until the wheels fall off. But I realize different folks, different strokes. Anyhow, I wish you and yours the best. Stay strong, live long. Sending good vibes your way.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Eab_beh07HU
https://youtu.be/i-cB_ip4eYY