I'm sure you all can guess my stance.

Abuse, clearly.

Why would you want to hurt someone you love?

How is it being respectful of another even if it is consensual? I mean you could say a prostitute and client are engaged in consentual Intercourse but at what point does it become rape? Is there a line?

We know all about your long showers, champ.

Actually I don't

Yea. So the liberals have told me. ;)

God bless you :)

Do you? I just don't get it.

I mean, If I had the option. I don't know why it appeals to me. But it does. Not abused necessarily, but you know. A little of that is good sometimes.

I get a man being in control, but it doesn't have to go that route, I'd think. But I respect your view.

I just don't get it and how it is not a mental disorder to want to participate in something like that.

It probably is. I came from an abusive environment. Maybe it's all I know. It's all some people know. And when you live in it, then it becomes your normal. Abnormal to others, but normal for the one who knows only that. Maybe it's all connected. It has to be right? If I had to make a choice between a man looking into my eyes, caressing my face and proceeding in some " gentle" or seemingly meaningful way, and one who grabs me by the throat, shoves me into the wall, and screws me like it's a punishment, I would prefer the latter. I struggle with the former. It is awkward and makes me highly uncomfortable.

:(

Thank you. I like to try to look at my self and make these determinations, because how else can I ever feel like a human being? I find I have made some improvements and progress here and there, but I'm still feeling very alien. Funny enough I have had a lot of talks with people on THIS website that have helped in ways I can't even verbalize. A meme site for crying out loud. I am sure Dylan Wenzlau didn't think his creation would ever be of a useful service in this respect.

I love you, my buddy. Hope you know that.

Me too Nixie, don't let anyone make you feel that you are not worth respect. You are a beautiful woman inside and out (yes even your derpy picture proves that ;) we all love you and want to see you happy with who you are. You can always count on us (sending a virtual hug across the miles ) ❤

Thank you. I admit it helps my soul to be able to speak on this stuff. I never talk because I never had anyone to hear me, or if they did somehow I would be blamed for whatever I did discuss or you know, people who talk about what's bugging them are whiners or attention seekers as it were. So I keep it to myself! You provided an easier way to put it out there with your meme. Thank you, and hugs returned!

We'll always be here for you, dear Nixie.

Thank you Sydney. I sincerely appreciate y'all here.

This.

Thank you Sydney. I hope I don't come off too weird. I passed by this meme several times trying to decide whether to comment. Because

1) I knew what I would say would raise questions.

2) I knew I would have to be honest in my answers. Therefore being honest with myself.

I'm not that great at opening up to people. I am really bad at expressing certain sentiments, though once i become comfortable with people I am better at it. I am an awkward person and am feeling my way around in the dark it seems.

No worries. You're awesome and I love the hell out of you. With all due respect.

I'm so glad you responded the way you did because it opens my eyes to the possible reasons why someone would be attracted to that sort of relationship

Thank you. I am thinking that maybe someone who needs to see it will come across it. I think we have a lot to learn from each other, so in addition to hopefully helping ourselves we can lead to someone else helping themselves. But also maybe a new light can be shed for people who don't understand the appeal of this kind of thing. I know I don't speak for everyone out there, but I figure there have to be others who have a similar life experience.

Thread theme song

https://youtu.be/sJOmHWxS-Jc

"Things that seemed to be solid are not". Aint that the truth! That's a good song Sydney, and very appropriate for my current state of mind. Thank you for sharing that.

43 years old and today's the first day I heard that. God, I love McGuinn's guitar so much. I have a 12 string acoustic but it's not the same.

I gave my guitars to my brother. I had an electric as well an acoustic. Try as I may I couldn't get the household to let be for any length of time so I could learn to play. That is one thing I have wanted to do since I was little.

I'm sorry. I can imagine how hard it must be for you to allow someone to show gentle love when you had nothing like it growing up. But that's what I'm saying, why not help these people work through their issues that are causing them to want to do these behaviors that to me are abnormal and destructive rather than encouraging it with movies like 50 Shades?

I think 50 shades of Grey is an atrocity. People were reading the books, I knew the movie would be out soon enough. But to answer your question there is no money to be made in helping people overcome such a thing. There is however a lot of money to be made in selling all the bondage gear, books, and putting butts in the seats in the theater.

I'm gonna have to agree with thparky on this one. As long as its just between the 2 of them and its consensual and no porn is involved its clear

Why not porn? Just curious.

Also look up the definition of BDSM and explain to me how that is love?

"BDSM is a type of sex play that involves acts of bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. Some people derive pleasure directly from pain or violence, but for many, the excitement comes from the manipulation or subversion of power dynamics within relationships"

Saw it on a website with a similar question

Porn involves people outside of the marital bedroom. And it portrays an unrealistic and perverted perspective of real sexual intimacy. And BDSM is not love, but I also dont think sex is love either. There are many couples out there who are together in loving relationships without sex. My grandparents were an example of that, he had prostate cancer and killed their sex life (at least I can only assume, I have no proof and do not want any!), but I have never seen a couple who loved each other more than them. Same goes for couples who obviously aren't in love, but are having sex regardless...friends with benefits. Ultimately, sex should be reserved for married couples (by definition in my other comment), and is tied to love but doesnt define it. How the married couple defines what sex should look like is up to them.

Depends. If both parties involved are on board with it, no issues. If only one party involved is good with it, especially if if is the one administering the bdsm, then there is a problem. But then that same statement extends to any sexual relationship, if only one person is enjoying it then it shouldn't be happening and there is something wrong.

Hmm. I'm actually surprised at your response. How would bdsm fit into your biblical or Christian view of sexuality?

I'll start by defining the rules behind my belief. Two people only, married, one man, one woman. That said, if everything is consensual I dont see anything wrong with being kinky. Sex is a gift from God (refer to Song of Solomon), and we are the ones who have perverted it with porn and promiscuity. But I feel that you can still be biblical about sex and still enjoy things other than the missionary position. BDSM is not for me and my wife, but that's just us. I also think that mental conditions like sexual sadism disorder or sexual masochism disorder fall outside of what the basic concepts of BDSM are and should be treated. People like Jeffrey Dahmer couldn't get off unless someone died, and the same applies to many serial killers. But within the confines of a martial bedroom where things are done in love for enjoyment by both involved, and no real harm done to either, I dont see a problem.

Not sure how bondage domination, sadism and masochism are not a part of it, lol. I think you're right that sort of behavior is indicative of a mental disorder, but I don't think it can be part of a healthy relationship. Especially when you get down to signing contracts and such.

I'm with you on sex is not love but it is a big part and expression of love, and I'm not the missionary position only type either but I do feel bdsm isn't compatable with the biblical understanding of Marriage, where the husband and wife honor love and obey one another, lift eachother up, bring out the best in the other. Christ said lay down your life, and the church has been called the Bride and He the Bridegegroom. It's not dignified. IMO.

Yes all that is extremely important! You get it! But I think a couple can be strong enough in their marriage to explore their sexuality boldly, in the confines of their bedroom (or any other legal place) and still be biblically sound. If a wife asks her husband to do something she would like to try respectfully, should he not honor her wishes if he also feels it would be fun and exciting? Being married often is seeing the dirty messy human flesh side of each other in full light, and I dont mean that sexually. But it can also apply to sex. What is your definition of biblical sexual relations? I get a sense of it in your last reply, but expand.

Fyi, this is why I love this stream!

Sex to me has a two fold purpose. It is meant to be unitive (it should bring a husband and wife together not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well) sex is also procreative meaning God has given humans a means by which we cooperate in the bringing forth of new life. Of course I don't believe that every sexual act between spouses should result in a baby. (God doesn't intend this either and that's why a woman is fertile only for about 2-3 days every month) each sexual encounter needn't be procreative but it does need to be unitive. That's why things like pornography, sex trafficking, rape, are assaults on the true meaning of sex. Thanks for asking! I love the discussions we have on this stream too. :)

Hilarious image! And I also believe both of your examples are true of what sex should be in marriage. But...do you not believe that a unitive experience can be had with a pair of handcuffs if both involved are interested in exploring that experience? Dont get me wrong, I'm not advocating for extremes here. There comes a point when deviance becomes normalized and then it could graduate to other worse things. But that's true of anything we struggle with in the flesh. Eating is normal. Overeating is not ok. Alcohol is ok in moderation, getting wasted is a problem. Rock paper scissors is ok to see who gets the last cookie, but wasting a paycheck at the slots is tragic. It all starts with innocent things, and we all have to moderate ourselves to ensure we dont cross any dangerous thresholds. So when I say BDSM is ok, those are my stipulations, and I think there are plenty of couples out there that can use it to keep things interesting if they want to and still maintain a biblical sex life. If we need to just disagree, I'm good with that! I respect your view of it, and certainly dont disagree with the fundamentals.

Huh?

Sorry. I was just joshing you.

Lol!

Whoosh

You boomer.

How dare you libel Mr. Dahmer like that!!!

Labeled himself bruh!

Mean to kick a guy when he's down. Like 6 feet!

Dig him up and kick him again, sicko

Naaww, he's as rotten as always.

And how do you think serial rapist and killers get their start? Through a perversion of the sexual act and a disregard for the dignity of the other person. The goal of BDSM is to humiliate wield power over another and perhaps some people like being humiliated but is it true love to do it?

Ehh, sure the acts get worse and worse, and soon it's just not enough. But they already have screws loose, and it just cascades downhill from there. I dont think BDSM has a goal actually, and I'd also like to continue to point out the difference between love and sex, or forms of sexual gratification like BDSM. It's not the same. I tie the two together in the marital bedroom, and if everybody is happy and still in love, it's ok. Cross lines that the other is not ok with, and you jeopardize the marriage, and thus the sex being ok. I think many married couples are secure enough in their relationship to explore stuff like that safely and keep the spark hot! But it's got to be mutual, I cannot imagine a scenario where my wife would ask me to do something I was not comfortable with or vice versa.