No, not the wind scale - the WINE scale. Respect the Force within.
Here's what to know about Wade and Roe:
The Wine Force Scale
1.The deck is level.
2.Spirits are rising, lower jaw starts working, wavelets cresting in hair.
3.Traces of smile around mouth edges, slight dimming of eyesight, floor still level.
4.Ripples on weather deck, patrons in establishment seem more attractive, occasional tipping and loud talking.
5.Ripples nearing tables, small objects fall or are knocked over, occasional audacity and groping.
6.Noticably impaired visibility, unsatisfactory navigation, occasional large waves, tipping and speech flow intensify, vocabulary abates, increased audacity towards increasingly good-looking patrons, porchsitting Ohioans start talking.
7.Poor visibility. Impaired navigational skills. Greater waves, problems maintaining constant course or rhumb line, old jokes are re-told, everything seems funny, occasional wreckage such as broken glasses, world problems are solved, virility decreases, the weak vomit.
8.Visibility drastically reduced, sat-nav non-functioning, constant collisions, several glasses hit the deck, chairs are upended, the nuclear dilemma is solved.
9.Near zero visibility, steering non-functioning, slurred speech, glasses thrown up in the air, tables pushed aside, porchsitting Ohioans talk incessantly, occasional puking in recesses.
10.Toilets impossible to find, then established locally, broken bottles used in fights, Texans start singing, teeth knocked out, Ohioans smile, events are no longer recorded by consciousness.
11. Poop deck rolling menacingly, staying upright proves a challenge, chairs sailing through the air, mounted tables are torn loose, bouncers thrown out, constant breaking of nasal bones and human rights, prolific vomiting, waning virility.
12. Impossible to maintain balance, poorly mounted objects are ripped loose, lamps torn down, police arrive and retreat again, windows are smashed out, doors smashed in, some Ohioans laugh, traces of blood on the walls and deck.
13.Larger objects are drifting through the air, massive destructions, air conditioners are torn off walls and hurled through already smashed-out windows, occasional losses of consciousness, trivialization of the arrival of more cops, bone fractures seem immensely fun, hysterical laughter between sprays of sick, deck boards are ripped out, all furniture is demolished.
