She may not remember you, so it's up to you to remember her, no matter how painful

I am so glad my mother is still alert and aware. Has her own apartment, although my brother is staying with her for the next year or so

Mom's last year I heard her heading that direction, but the CHF got her first. Her mom spent her last five years in an Alzheimer's ward. It was sad, but I saw the woman she had been waste away.

One never knows what tomorrow brings. I'm truly sorry :-(

Thank you. Life is bittersweet that way. I'm lucky that I have the capacity still to enjoy both the here and now as well as what has been. As with all things, the circle goes around.

Mom isn't to that point yet,(but in assisted living) but my brother is still an asshat for not calling her especially on Mothers Day.

Seen it, too. Everyone forgets. When my grandmother (R.I.P.) went in she knew who I was until her last few weeks. She didnt remember anyone else, though. Because they never visited her at all even before she went in (except my aunt & uncle). When I was like she always knows who I am--my relatives got mad at me!!! If the asshats might've visited her, she might've remembered them longer.

The hardest thing with Grandma was having to remind her that Mom wasn't visiting her because she had passed away already. Every time, it was like she had to go through the loss all over again.

Sorry to hear that. Sad when people go before they go.

My father-in-law summed it up well when he said that no parent should ever have to bury their child. His boy died of a mass heart attack at the age of 50. My sister has buried two children, one as a toddler, the other as an adult. I'm fortunate that I had my family early enough that my grandkids have all had a good chance to know their grandparents should anything happen to me or my ex.

I kept my parents in their own home until Dad passed in 2010 and Mom in 2014. Although I didn't have the medical equipment to keep Dad at home on his last day, I succeeded in enabling Mom to die in her own room, in spite of stiff opposition from some family members.

I now live in a seniors' building in western Canada. Many seniors' buildings and homes in my province are about to be sold to Chinese interests. In 2001, the premier of this province went on a union-busting vendetta and, as a result, seniors' services have deteriorated badly. From inconsistency of care to outright neglect, many seniors now have to pay out of pocket for what was once based solely on the need of the senior resident -- and too many seniors simply cannot afford to receive the care/assistance they need.

I know beyond doubt that my parents would have been miserable in one of these places, and know beyond doubt that I did the right thing by them by keeping them in their own home, and by keeping the estate intact ... but I also paid a heavy, heavy price for it and am now struggling just to keep myself fed. My back and knees are permanently damaged and I can no longer work in the jobs available here, but while waiting for my disability pension to kick in, I am forced to live on very, very little money and find myself having to go to a food bank to obtain what they laughingly refer to as food ... most of which lack the nutrients I need to prevent my back from deteriorating further.

Do I regret making the decision I made? Nope. But in the same token, if I knew what I was in for after the death of the second parent, I would have had some very serious second thoughts. For the 12 years I spent on 24/7 active duty, I, and other elder caregivers who sacrificed years of their productive lives and damage to their health, should be able to get some sort of recompense from the government, but when our tenures end, we are too often left to twist in the wind. And the damage continues all around.

(part2) After my mother died in 2014, my family, except for my youngest brother, turned their backs on me. Three months after her death, the family evicted me from the home because I smoke (notwithstanding the fact that I limited my smoking to my well-vented room). I was relentlessly bullied by an in-law who also happens to be an intake worker for social services, with threats of being committed to a mental institution being thrown in for shits and giggles. When my share of the inheritance (not a whole lot) came through, I made the decision to leave the city to my old town further north, but as I had no help moving, I had to leave everything I had behind, save for a few clothes and my electronic equipment, which are necessary for my music production. As things are now, when someone I know is thinking of taking on this responsiblility, I make it a point to warn them of the consequences they may face. I was blindsided by the betrayal of my family, all of whom are fairly wealthy, and my heart was very, very broken. It still aches from time to time, and the death of my dear mother still haunts me to this day. I find myself urging people to *not* take on the burden, because believe you me, the real burden begins after the fact.

It's a shame that your family treated you the way they did. While I was unable to be there physically to help Mom in her final years, My brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews that lived in the area gave her the support network she needed to stay at home until her final visit to the hospital where she died. It was proper for her to pass away in that hospital because that was where she took her nurses training before marrying Dad. (at the time, they didn't want married women in the program) She later worked there and all but one of my siblings was born there. As it was, she passed away only 30 feet from where I was born.

But many cannot take the time, or have the skill, to take care of elders, especially as they, too, age. I'm not sure how your own children will handle your last years. My oldest daughter has taken on the care of my ex, her mom. If I need it, my youngest girl and son will take on my care. Mostly my daughter and her girls, as my son lives 300+ miles from here and he takes care of his wife and mother-in-law with the help of his daughter.

Now, I have the memories of those gone.

Your family sounds fantastic :-) and those who take on the honour of caring for elderly relatives are to be respected and admired. My daughter will most likely be helping me in my elder years, as she has a very strong sense of family .... but I will also take every step necessary to avoid needing care, as I also know all too well that, even though she may be married to a man whose family values are also very strong, they must be able to carry on with their ability to succeed financially. I do NOT want my daughter to go through what I went through .... the government in this province is currently one whose policies are, quite frankly, extremely abusive to those who need help. Just applying for the disability pension has so far taken me three long months, months filled with endless forms, having my privacy compromised, my dignity and integrity undermined and questioned, deprivation, and being held in the dark about the next necessary steps. I was forced to submit every aspect of both my personal and financial life to complete strangers over a thousand kilometres away, and have already had my online security compromised by careless handling in offices a day and a half away.

Caregiving is such an important role. If there were more supports for caregivers after the tenures end, it would be easy for me to support someone's decision to take on the tasks ... it is better for elderly people by far if they don't need to be in hospital, but do need assistance with daily activities. It is healthier for them and with the right supports in place for all concerned, it can also bring families closer IF it is handled properly and professionally. But in this province, that is one helluva big IF.

Courses for caregivers should be available. I am a well-schooled extended care aide whose skills include being able to assess care needs of a senior or a disabled person. For me, it made THE difference in being able carry out the clinical aspect of the caregiving, because too many are left to "wing it". For anyone who decides to take on this most honourable task, I urge taking the courses available, and for families to assist with the cost. If government grants are available, I urge any caregiver to apply for them.

And, lastly, I send a callout to any caregiver that I wish them all the best. It is a difficult road, but a most rewarding one. I know I did the right thing by my parents, hands down, and that's what keeps me going.

(con'd) I urge all concerned citizens to actively lobby their respective governments to provide supports for caregivers and their elderly/disabled relatives. This is so important, because none of us are getting any younger. Write letters. Send emails. Phone. Become politically active. The more people doing it, the louder the message. Let's do it.

My youngest girl knows and understands what my needs are. She's living with her business partner's family. Her partner offered to let me move in when my wife kicked me out, but my daughter said I preferred my freedom. We may combine households later this year so we'll see what's going on with that. Like her partner's wife, I'm limited to what I can physically do, so having her girls do the housework and such is a boon. Her oldest does the law work. We'll see before the end of the year.

I'm glad I called my mom on mother's day that year. Across the country, I did what I could for her. Fortunately, I had my siblings back in Youngstown to help. I flew up and was with her when she passed.

So sorry for your loss, bro

it's been 21 years next week since Mom left. Still miss her. When I got back home, I'd call her number just to hear her voice on the answering machine.

I see Mom at least twice a week, bring her a few groceries, pick up, and bring back her laundry. We take her out for lunch or dinner from time to time. She doesn't like assisted living, but she understands its better than the alternative, which I won't want to repeat. (scammed and harassed until she had a nervous breakdown and went off her meds).

Good meme. My parents are almost in their 90s. Me and my siblings may have to make a decision any day now about them living in and taking care of a house and each other. As the much as a pain in the ass they can be, it wouldn't be the same without them. Now I have to call them.

My parents never made it to their 70s, but one grandmother did. Actually, my mom was the first woman in her family that didn't make it to her 90s in more than a century.

Enjoy your parents while you have them. It's a good time for your own adult children to get to know them and hear their oral history. I remembered a song my grandmother sang to us when we were small. Sung to a tune like Auld Lang Syne. I looked it up earlier this year to freak out my siblings. http://www.sgsosu.net/osu/songs/bohunkus.html. the time frame fits as she was born about then, and my family has lived in Ohio since antebellum days.

I have the best relationship with them now than I ever had. I work 12 hour shifts including rotating weekends. I do my best to visit them and take them out. They actually still drive. Sometimes it's a white knuckle ride. Lol.

My oldest sister is your mom??? JK. Sis is only 67. Mom gave up driving when she was about 65, while Grandma turned in her keys around the age of 88. My ex had to quit driving when she turned 60 because a stroke affected her eyesight.

I was always close to my parents. Family first was the way we were raised. Still, because they were divorced and Dad died when I was 13, I couldn't get as close as I'd have liked to with him. When Mom passed, I was at her bedside, holding her hand.

My Grandma stays with me in my house with my family, she's 94, has alzheimers and still remembers most of us. Sometimes she gets confused, but if she were in a nursing home, we would all probably be forgotten. I am happy that she doesn't have to go through a nursing home.

Omg I'm almost crying at a meme

You do your family well. Nobody wants to be forgotten. You will keep the memories of hers alive within her mind. Record her memories and ask her about her life. She's not much older than my mom. Find out what she went through during the depression. her memories of the war and the young men she saw March off. She has seen much in her near century.

Absolutely

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That's the dam truth my friend

I've seen this many times.

I just hope if it comes to that, my kids remember to show up.

especially if they're a bit on the serious side.