It's more inclusive. Sapphic can mean lesbian, but also bi, pan, or whatever as long as you're a woman attracted to women. I use the term when I'm not sure whether someone is lesbian or any other orientation.
Sorry to hear (read) that. All I can do is hope it gets at least better and offer to talk, I'm afraid. I know that these states are like a tunnel vision where you act impulsively, so I can't really tell you not to do anything, but maybe it helps to know that most people who survive a suicide attempt are glad they survived.
You're not alone with these feelings of emotionlessness and powerlessness.
Music helps me whenever I'm down in any way. It's cathartic and sometimes sustracts me. Even suicidal music distracts me by giving me something to think about that's not actually doing it. Opal In Sky is a band that helped me through a remotely suicidal evening a few weeks ago. Also just distracting yourself with something that preoccupies your mind by fascinating you, like experimental music or something.
Maybe write about it. I vent a lot in the stories I write by giving every character their own arc, so I can incorporate almost all of my struggles.
I don't know if any of that helps, but I just hope it gets better. I think having someone hide your meds is a good first step to prevent the worst. And I know how hard it is to accept that suicide is probably not the best option, because it can seem like the only way, but my self-hatred usually goes away for a while, and I hope it gets less once I transition. (once again talking about myself as an example, sorry)
So, please know that someone cares about your well-being, even just a stranger on the internet. Love to you
