It sounds like you need to find that right people. Finding a good community and a good church can help a lot I promise you. But since I’m way younger than you that’s all the I can say because I don’t really understand everything. So I just pray that I works out for you.
Jesus loves you so much, don’t give your life to the world, live for Jesus and you’ll feel so much safer and better I promise you, and if you are keep going I get it I feel it everyday but just keep praying
