I think you are confusing Afghan with Iraq. Afghan was the home of Bin Laden, who orchestrated the 9/11 attacks. The Iraq war was more or less for resources. So when we first went to attack Afghan to get Bin Laden the first time, that was retaliation not self defense, which would be like what you stated with after Russia using a nuke. However self defense is protecting yourself while the attacking is taking place, not after. The people on the plane in Pennsylvania died in self defense, going to Afghan afterwards was retaliation and acts of war, not self defense. There is a clear difference even for Quakers and the involvement of an entire country.
Self defense is never considered war. Striking before someone attacks you because you think there is evidence to show they are going to attack, that is not self defense but a preemptive strike. And like my previous statement said, when you do this, there is a never ending cycle of attacking others in the name of "peace", and should never be considered self defense. Even by Jesus' standards of turning the other cheek, it actually means to do no more damage than what they did to you. So if they haven't done anything yet, then you shouldn't do anything. If you think they are planning on attacking, you can talk to them and try to resolve issuses first, not just attack them first.
What I see this meme is stating is that just using reasoning like "peace" and "protection" to attack someone first is not very peaceful. There are other actions that can be taken first to try and keep the peace, but preemptive strikes is not one of them.