"It's exhausting, trying to act normal," said Democratic Senator-elect Abdul El-Sayed. "I couldn't hang out with my terrorist buddies or anything. I was honestly starting to slip in the last few days of the campaign. I mean, I just outright said it's okay for me to walk into little girls' locker rooms. You're not supposed to say the stuff I actually believe until after the election. I don't think I could have held on another day. It's a relief to know that I can finally yell, 'Allahu Akbar' as much as I want now."
According to witnesses, Democrats have savored the opportunity to finally cut loose and be their authentic, deranged selves. "Now I can relax and be my creepy self," said Texas Senator-elect James Talarico. "Holding it in every time I wanted to do or say something really disturbing, it's been brutal! I can finally breathe again."
At publishing time, Democrats had announced that all those drag queen story hours that briefly disappeared were "so back."
