My cat is so lazy she eats laying down

A previous cat of mine used to drag her food dish around and dump her water if we didn't give her food when she wanted it. She would also make us watch her eat and liked when we pet her when she was, for some reason.

My house is mostly hard floor, yet my cat decides to puke only on the few rugs we have. She also tries escaping outside, but gets terrified of everything and runs back immediately

I love cats bro
I want one soooo bad
But we already have a dog

My cat scratched the cuticle open on my thumb nail for no reason at all today.
You sure you want to deal with that? (It's worth it)

Yes
I want the floof