i really wish i could just come out to everyone and have it all magically be okay and just get it all over with, but there's really no way to do that
everyone in my real life has only ever known me as a boy, including my parents, and although i know most of them would be supportive of me it just feels kinda selfish to completely shift that perspective.
the last thing i want is to be a burden or a problem and if i were to just switch on a dime for them i might lose some friends, or make it so that they act differently around me because they don't see me as the same person anymore.
i just want everything to stay the same even though i'm not staying the same but i know that's not how it works.
it's impossible not to feel like i'm being selfish by wanting to change so drastically if that makes sense