Papyrus is Lazybones number one

ARE YOU A REAL ROYAL GUARD?
*Well, uh, technically... No.

HAVE YOU EVER SUCCESSFULLY CAUGHT SOMEONE? LIKE A HUMAN?!
*Uh… nah

DO YOU AT LEAST HAVE A BATTLE BODY?
*...nah, nah...

ALRIGHT! I SEE I SHALL HAVE TO TEACH YOU HOW TO BECOME GREAT!

(just realized I should've instead said "can you at least cook spaghetti?" Oh well)
NOW LISTEN CLOSELY...
(Should he song the Don't Forget version or the normal lyrics?)

(Whichever one is fine)

HERE'S A LESSON, PUZZLERY!
GOING DOWN IN HISTORY,
FOLLOW MY MOVES AND SNEAK AROUND, NOT TO MAKE A SOUND!
NOW JUST LOOK AT THIS TRAP, LOOK THIS TRAP THAT I JUST FOUND
TO CATCH THE SMALL HUMAN ON THE RUN!
DON'T FORGET, I'M THE GREATEST NUMBER ONE!

(I am so confused because you have a different one from the one I know

I just typed from memory and changed some lyrics

Dam

If Spamton was [[BIG SHOT]] number one:
ALRIGHT! I CAN [See clearly now], THAT I WILL HAVE TO TEACH YOU [[In 4 easy steps]] HOW TO BE [[NUMERO UNO]]!!!!

DAM!!!