Day 6 : Bottom of the pit

Day 6, 11/11/25
Bottom of the pit

SO, before i tell you what happened, yall need to know that before i got to sleep, after i wrote last chapter, my mom told me about a new discovery she made about my father.
My mom and my father are married under a law, i dont really know how to describe it in english but, if they divorce, they equally share the revenue they made since the marriage, but it means that for any actions like buying a house, you need signatures from the husband and the wife. Now there is another law you can marry under, its one where if they divorce they keep everything that they have and made, which means also that if my father were to invest in the housing market (which he did) he would not need my moms signature.
Well the thing is that my mom and my father are married under the first law, and my father bought some appartments without telling my mother, and my mom discovered in the documents she ‘’stole’’ from my father (right before we escaped she took a 1T hard drive and copied every files from his computer), she discovered that when he bought the apartments, he lied saying he was married to her under the second law so he could avoid needing my moms signature. And this, this could get him to go to jail.
And so discovering this horrible lie, i had a rough night, but i slept kinda well… it was more a rough night for my mother, because apparently in my sleep i punched her in the nose, and smashed her face (I clearly wanna state that everything that happened this night wasnt intentional).
Now today, we did not do that much, we went to the supermarket to buy some food because we’re running short, and we filled the car with gas (barely filled it). After this we went to the house of the landlords of the previous temporary house we were in to pick up some coats we forgot to take with us when we leaved. And then my mother had a call with our lawyer so she can be prepared for the audition.

Our aunt arrived at home after this, and she always knows how to make us smile, it feels good to have her by our side.

Morally tho, i feel so f**king bad.
I’m paranoic all the time when we go out, whenever is see a car that remotelly ressembles my fathers car, i panic even if i know it cant be him. When we go out in public like during shopping, i fear i encounter him in the alleys, i see him in my dreams…. That turns them into nightmares.
When i said i had PTSD i was not joking.
My mom has a friend that got a degree in psychology, and when she described the behavior of my father to her, she said (and im not joking nor over exagerating it) :
‘’well i think he is either a sociopath or a psychopath…. Or both’’.
I lived 17 years with a psychopath as my father, he doesnt even deserve the title of ‘’father’’ btw.
He ALMOST never layed a hand on me (he did sometimes when i was still in the ‘’months old’’ category) but all he did, all the pressure, all the bad comments, all the violences, all the lies, everything, all this weight feels as bad.
(I’m not saying that its more painful than being beaten every day, but mentally its how it feels like and it’s the only way i can describe how it feels).

After i shower, i realise the neighbor of the temporary house (that is actually a friend of my mom) came to see how we were doing, so i came and chatted, then she had to go and we were having fun talking with Aunt (i will just call her Aunt) and she actually brought a mini JBL speaker and started playing some The Beatles. It felt so good to listen to some music after 6 days of total isolation from music (i mean recorded music).

Then my bro came and he talked about Sound Hallucinations or in french ‘’Hallucinations auditives’’ (something that only french people will understand, because we got millions of hem) which is when you listen to a song and you hear something completly different from what is sang.
Like in Still Loving You by Scorpio we got instead of the ‘’So far, we could make it through’’ we got ‘’Ce soir, j’ai les pieds qui pues’’ which means ‘’tonight, my feets are smelly’’. Or we also got a Ray Charles song i dont remember the name of where the thing we can hear is ‘’J’ai des puces aux couilles’’ which means ‘’i got itchy balls’’. Anyway we had a blast watching 16 years old videos of compilations of these kind of songs.

Then, for a little diversity in our current diet, we ate pizzas (its the 5th time this week i cant take it no more i just wanna DULULILU you know). Then after this, Aunt showed us some card decks she won and teached us how to play Rami.
(I think its how its written i dont know).
We played two games.
I won the first game and the second game.

As i am writting this i am about to go to sleep iN tHe SaMe BeD aS mY bRoThEr.

Keep pushing, just 2 nights till i get my own bed.

Next day : imgflip.com/i/adwtdo