Every time I pet regress (because of past trauma, stress, etc) I feel like a huge hole has opened out of the ground and is eating me whole. I do have two caregivers, but both of them are my boyfriends and we are online even though I know them in person. I live two hours away from them. And they are both amazing, but they can't help me in person and are both going through their own mental/physical health issues and both have their phones restricted (one I can barely talk to at all, the other I can talk to but he barely responds because he has a lot going on/phone turns off late at night)
I own gear (ears, tail, collar, and a chew toy) and I use it every time. I have also made a little nest out of my bed. Ive started listening to pr asmr to help, and it does, but barely. I only really regress when Im pushed into it and my brain cant handle anything anymore. Each time I feel bugs under my skin, its like their eating me and I feel like Im dying because everything is so big and it scares me. My therapist knows of it and encourages it, but she isn't super knowledgeable on the subject at all and also can't help. Ive heard other people's experiences and theyre all positive and it sounds like its supposed to be refreshing but its only painful for me.
Im basically begging. Any advice would be great.