I am king of the monsters of the underworld

You can’t leave.

Im not sad

You are never happy either

Jokes on you that was basically almost always constant unless something monumentally fun happened

That's literally me as an autistic person tho

You killed thyself that's the only reason why

That is realistic

I want the power to control time

Guaranteed Uber rare every time I roll the rare capsules

You can only use that luck once a week

I don't get affected by a side affect

Because you don't have a superpower doofus

No effect

I have the ability to be the first reply to my comment

Lung cancer

I want to turn into a dragon

You can't breathe fire

Cancer

Gojo is always trying to track you down and hollow purple you

Two tumors to deal with

Only skin cancer, which usually isn't deadly