Absolute Cinema

🩸 THE ULTIMATE BATTLE ROYALE: CHAOS ASCENDS 🩸
There can only be one winner...

🌍 The Arena:
A collapsing multiversal coliseum, glitching between Minecraft biomes, Fortnite maps, Deep Space, SpongeBob’s Bikini Bottom, and a Cheesecake Factory kitchen. Somewhere hidden: a single old Nokia phone playing YouTube.

⚔️ THE FIRST MOMENTS:
Rewrite immediately fragments into 40 different forms—Sonic, Pug on a Swing, and Bob among them. Everyone is confused. Rewrite starts reading minds, setting himself up as the real threat.

Bob, although “very squishy,” casually eats a star, turns pink, and inhales the Big Red Button. It vanishes. Rewrite is unsettled.

Steve Minecraft, in full creative mode, starts spawning lava chickens and screaming "THIS IS A CRAFTING TABLE." He spawns the Ender Dragon. Unfortunately, Big Ahh Dragon eats the Ender Dragon. Steve screams louder.

Carl the NPC calmly pulls out his armor-piercing gun and shoots Rewrite 40 times. Rewrite, of course, turns into a puddle and vanishes.

🧠 MENTAL WARS:
Albert Einstein Reincarnated tries to deduce the pattern behind the chaos. He locates the phone and starts watching Kurzgesagt videos. His IQ is now +2000.
Meanwhile, Deep Questions Guy walks up and says, “What if free will is just an illusion created by memory?”
Einstein explodes.

The Parasite enters Fortnite Guy’s mind but finds nothing but emote loops. His brain collapses. The Parasite dies.

Lightspeed zooms around, only to trip over Brick Wall and vaporize himself on impact.

😭 COMEDY & CHAOS:
Boykisser skips around trying to kiss people. Whitney Chewston zones in. She activates her “Exist Until Boykisser Dies” mode and fistfights him. Boykisser kisses her on the cheek mid-fight. She vaporizes in internalized conflict.

Grug rhymes every sentence with “Grug.” Pug on a swing tries to fight him but gets distracted beating his meat.

Cheesecake Chef serves cheesecake. The Moon drops on it. The Chef dies. The cheesecake survives. Carl the NPC eats it and says “Mmm.”

Mr. Clean power-washes Giratina into a squeaky shine. Giratina has a crisis and flies away into the Distortion Realm to cry.

🔥 THE CLASHES:
The Ultra Dih Man becomes aroused after seeing Low Taper Fade. The fight becomes NSFW, but Rewrite (as a camera) uploads it to YouTube. The phone explodes from views.

Nikita is stabbed repeatedly but doesn’t die. No one removes the nail. He trips over The Invisible Dude, killing the dude unintentionally.

The Immortal screams “WHERE IS OMNI MAN” and punches Basic Human Being into atoms. Then punches himself into orbit.

💥 FINAL EVENTS:
The Moon tries to crush everything. Gru steals the Moon. The arena is dark now. Everyone stumbles around.
Brick Wall is still standing.

1 Lion is killed by Carl, who says “lol.” Two lions spawn. Then four. Then eight.
Soon: a tsunami of lions.

Sector is bumped into by Big Ahh Dragon's tail. He screams in incomprehensible rage and shape-shifts into a giant glass Gundam that headbutts the sky.

Spongebob laughs and turns into a god. He slaps Gundam Sector, who shatters into rainbow fragments.

Eye of Ra blasts lasers at everyone, hitting The Beheaded, who’s just vibing and drinking. His head falls off, but he survives. He possesses Boyfriend from FNF and starts rapping. Rewrite copies him.

The Car from Garn47 bounces uncontrollably into the sky and lands on Steve Minecraft, flattening him.
“COMIN’ IN HOT—” CRUNCH.

🧠 THE ENDGAME:
Rewrite, now fused with Einstein’s exploded consciousness, the Beheaded, and Steve’s chicken, watches the chaos.
The lions now number in the thousands.

Carl the NPC pulls the trigger one last time, aiming at the invisible lions. It hits. A quantum chain reaction begins.

Bob, chilling, eats a planet and Kirby-floats to safety. The Ultra Dih Man hits terminal horniness and punches the ground, breaking physics.

🏆 THE WINNER:
As the multiverse collapses, and lions rain from the sky, one figure remains...

A lone Brick Wall.

Untouched.
Unmoving.
Unbeatable.

👑 THE WINNER: BRICK WALL
"You can't beat what doesn't move."

Thats gay

why is pug on a swing beating his meat

I BEAT MY DICK IN THE SHOWER

why tf did you feel the need to say that rn