Shit has just been hard for me lately

I have just genuinely been feeling horrible lately, and I need to get some of this emotional weight off of me.

The reason I'm still on MSMG is because I want to make my friends smile, in fact, I originally joined the internet to make people smile. Even though I was depressed since age 7, I was still more bright and cheerful back during those times. Also, to those who still think I'm 14, I am actually 13, and I will be turning 14 as of June 16, 2025. The reason I lied about being 14 is because I didn't want to get banned back when I was 12, so, yeah.

However, with all the recent drama and stuff, it's been stressing me out because my friends are going through really hard times, and so am I. I do still have a life however, I go outside, I touch grass, I do stuff that a normal human being does, and I am planning to get a job this summer. (you can join the work force once you're 14 in Wisconsin)

The thing is, my parents broke up back when I was only 4 years old, that means I haven't had an actual experience with a normal family structure for a while, especially during the times where it was needed most. My mom was incredibly aggressive and rude to me and she also had a terrible smoking addiction, luckily I got my mom to quit by begging her relentlessly to stop.

My dad on the other hand was a raging alcoholic, when it was his turn to have me over for the weekend, I was scared he would throw another bottle at me. Fortunately, my dad has heavily improved since.

Unfortunately, my mom spends the child support cash she gets from my dad on purses and makeup because I'm gonna be real here, my mom is a total bitch, but I still believe she means well, her coping mechanisms just suck ass.

I also have to deal with the fact I'll never meet my biological grandma, Sun. (romanization of her name due to the fact she was Korean, unfortunately she passed from leukemia back when my mom was 8)

My depression began as severe anxiety, I was unable to sleep. My anger issues also worsened, and my mom tried getting me meds for it but the unintended side effect was suicidal thoughts.

My mom also brought me to therapy, but it didn't work. keep in mind this was when we could afford therapy.

My mom works 2 jobs now and she's been feeling extremely stressed, especially after the passing of my great grandpa Jon. Jon was basically the one who mainly helped raise my mom, since my grandpa was absent because he had to fight in a few wars, and also that my step grandma (Mary) was incredibly abusive

Damn

Hope you recover mentally

thank you.

lore

now is not the time