You need therapy! Incredibly independent, it is hard for you to open up and accept help from others. You're used to relying on yourself to a point where you only have a few close friends. You are straightforward and brutally honest, sometimes leading to people finding you harsh. You don't beat around the bush and aren't fake-nice; you are the most sincere a person can be. However, this furthers your difficulty into making human connections. This attitude has made many believe you dislike them- only furthered by your monochrome and seemingly lackluster outer shell. You look for companions through your need of having to express yourself and "argue". You enjoy debates and proving what you think is right. You're a competitive person at heart, loving a challenge, and picking out patterns or finding outliers is something you take pride in. However, this part of your thought process also makes you over analyze things and overthink. You don't show it, but your thoughts weigh heavily on your shoulders; you self doubt, self loathing, everything- which is also why you push away others. You hate yourself so much that you think you don't deserve affection. Self sabotage is something you do by instinct, you hardly even think about it, it just happens. You do deserve love. You're not horrible, there's nothing wrong with you, I know that it feels as if you deserve to be alone but people in your life love and care about you deeply and without you they'd crumble. Yet, I will say, opening up would do very good for you and the people around you- talk to them about it, get things off your mind, read into learning how to cope in safer and better ways; things will get better.
aint nobody usin this 🪦
