i just put a family size bag of jelly beans up my ass and now i can taste emotions. i saw god at the gas station and he challenged me to a push-up contest but every time i went down the pavement whispered ancient secrets into my bones. i haven’t slept in 6 days i’ve been powered solely by capri suns and spite. last night i stared directly into the microwave while it was running and now i understand what the stock market is but only in latin. i went to the hospital and the doctor said “your blood is 80% monster energy and the rest is pure anxiety” then he dabbed and exploded into dust. a raccoon wearing airpods told me to invest in beanie babies and honestly i’m listening. if you see me foaming at the mouth just know i’m buffering a firmware update from the astral plane. anyway who wants to get froyo
