Anyway this is all in my dream I just had.
My entire computer was infected with shit that I have mentally nicknamed "00", or "Double 0" because that's what I remember the prefixes of said processes being when I viewed them in Process Hacker 2.
I have no idea how I got it or why it got there in the first place, but somehow it also infected singleplayer Source games I play and turned them into multiplayer servers. Like, I couldn't go one second in TF2 spectator without my position and angles being downright fuсked over.
As is sweet virus tradition, I also could NOT end the processes of Double 0. Didn't try opening Task Manager since it always opens slow, but Double 0 somehow didn't block Process Hacker.