Ade, first of all, human nature is hypocritical. The only good person is the one who accepts they're evil.
Secondly, you're not an asshole, that's why everyone here loves you.
And like, dude, you're a CHILD, the whole point of being 12-14 and sometimes up to 16 is to learn what you stand for, what your morals are and how to communicate. It's normal to be embarrassed, it's normal to be misunderstood, and most of all, it is normal be childish because YOU'RE A GO***MN CHILD, LET YOURSELF BE A DUMBASS LIL KID.