Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III; MY LIFE IS JUST AS WRONG AS I EXPECTED AFTER TRAVELING TO ANOTHER WORLD WHERE I’M SURROUNDED BY CUTE GIRLS AT A MAGICAL HIGH SCHOOL AND AM ALSO THE FABLED HERO OF LEGEND, BUT BEFORE I TELL YOU THAT STORY I HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS STORY, IN WHICH I WAS WALKING ALONG WITH MY UNBELIEVABLY, IMPOSSIBLY CUTE YOUNGER SISTER WHO DOESN’T LIKE ME AT ALL, AND SHE SAID TO ME IT WAS MY FAULT SHE WASN’T POPULAR NO MATTER HOW SHE LOOKED AT IT AS WE WALKED TO SCHOOL TOGETHER, AND WE STOPPED TO LOOK AT A GARDEN, WHICH HAD A FLOWER WHOSE NAME I DON’T REMEMBER, WHEN SUDDENLY A PORTAL OPENED UP TO ANOTHER WORLD AND WHEN I LANDED IN A FIELD AND MY FACE WAS BURIED IN THE LARGEST PAIR OF BOOBS I’D EVER SEEN, AND MY SISTER HIT ME AND CALLED ME AN IDIOT WHILE BLUSHING, BUT THEN THE GIRL I LANDED ON SAW THE BIRTHMARK ON MY HAND AND GASPED AND SHE GRABBED MY HAND AND I BLUSHED BUT SHE STARTED DRAGGING ME AWAY AND MY SISTER GOT MAD AND CHASED AFTER US AND I ASKED WHERE WE WERE GOING, AND SHE SAID SHE WAS TAKING US TO GRIMHEART MAGIC SCHOOL, WHERE SHE WAS THE SCHOOL PRESIDENT, AND THEN I GASPED BECAUSE I WAS NOW IN A MAGICAL WORLD, AND WHEN WE GOT TO THE SCHOOL WHICH WAS A GIANT CASTLE I ASKED THE GIRL WHAT HER NAME WAS AND SHE SAID IT WAS AKANE YUUSHA, WHICH I THOUGHT WAS A TAD STRANGE SINCE SHE HAD BLONDE HAIR AND BLUE EYES AND THE ENTIRE AESTHETIC OF THE SCHOOL SEEMED VERY ANCIENT EUROPEAN, BUT I FORGOT ABOUT ALL OF THAT WHEN SHE TOLD ME WE NEEDED TO SEE THE HEADMASTER BECAUSE SHE HAD BEEN TAUGHT THAT THE MARK ON MY HAND WAS THE SYMBOL OF THE REINCARNATION OF THE LEGENDARY DRAGON HERO OF LEGENDARY LITERATURE, AND I SAID THAT WAS A COOL THING TO BE TAUGHT BECAUSE AT OUR SCHOOL THE ONLY BOOK WE LEARNED WAS ATLAS SHRUGGED, AND SHE ASKED WHAT THAT WAS AND I TOLD HER I WAS THE BOOK OUR SOCIETY BASED ITS PHILOSOPHY ON A SPEECH FROM, AND SHE ASKED ME TO RECITE THE SPEECH, WHICH I DID, AND THE SPEECH WENT “FOR TWELVE YEARS YOU HAVE BEEN ASKING…
