Excuse my sudden intervention.
My corpse shall rot and become one with the vast unpredictability of nature's force. Yours shall not be forgotten too. However, what is this game you desire to play? Not mere a single righteous soul shall support what this is that you have done. You long for justification, yet it seems you have chosen the pathes that shalt be condemned to the void, where no mortal is able to find them. Attempt to see what mistakes you have made, and admit them or fight the ones accusing you. But do not try to advocate an outcome that will not take place.