Let me share my tale of woe and misery upon ye. Arr, back when I be a mere lad of 16 summers, me own parents, may they find a stormy sea, began makin' me drink vinegar and castin' me out like a cursed soul, all 'cause they claimed I was touched by Neptune's madness, what they called autism. It be causin' me so much torment, I swear me bones be creakin' like an old ship in a tempest, cursed with the affliction they called arthritis.
But despite the blight they cast upon me, I still felt the call of the Almighty, urg'd by me church, I set sail to spread the word of the Lord. Yet, fate be a cruel mistress, for I chanced upon a raw meatball, thinkin' it a hearty meal fit for a buccaneer. Little did I know, it held within it the venom of the sea serpent itself, causin' me kidneys to fail faster than a leaky hull in a squall.
And then, as if Davy Jones himself be laughin' at me misfortune, I spoke out of turn, claimin' me own grandpa be makin' advances toward me, though it be nothin' but the truth. Yet, in their ignorance or perhaps their own fear of the truth, they cast me out, leavin' me to drift like driftwood upon the waves of fate. Aye, such be the tale of a lad lost in the tumultuous seas of life, a tale fit for a tavern's darkest corner, where only the bravest souls dare tread.
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