Why are some people so mean in the comments?? Either way, whatever the hell is going wrong, usually is a phase and will pass. Even if it's not, there's ways out that aren't death, and people to talk to. 988 is the hotline. I've talked to them a few times and they don't judge you, they give you other options, and advice, and their LGBTQ+ friendly too. Best of luck beautifully gendered person.